Discussion in 'Writers' Corner' started by zervados, May 27, 2016.

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  1. By StoneSky and ShelLuser
    Part One
    >>Blake woke up with pure joy and excitement. He ran to the window to see if the day could get better, and it had. Outside was filled with snow and it was a winter wonderland.
    >>"Blake, come open your gifts so we can go back to sleep!" his mother shouted from downstairs in a joking manner.
    >>Blake rushed downstairs still in his pyjamas. When he arrived to the christmas tree, he found mom and dad sitting on the couch drinking coffee. The tree had around 6 or 7 presents all for him. No time for guessing, he quickly rips open the wrapping paper of his presents.
    >>Out of all of the gifts he opened, he most loved the snowman plush, which was about the average size of a normal teddy bear, with a pumpkin head. It was odd for a snowman to have a pumpkin head, but it was still special to Blake.
    >>"Looks like he really loves that snowman thing. Where'd you buy it?" whispered his mother to his father
    >>"I thought you bought it?" whispered back his father
    >>"That's odd..."
    >>Blake looked gleefully at the snowman and knew immediately what his name will be.
    >>"Hey, Blizzy. You're going to love it here."
    >>With that said, he ran to retrieve his snow gear and sled and ran outside with Blizzy in hand. There was always this one hill that not many knew about. It was a pretty large hill which made it great for sledding. Blake made sure to not be spotted by the other kids; they are all bullies. On his way to the hill, he spotted two new boys who had just moved in yesterday. Blake played with the idea of possibly going up to them and trying to make new friends, but went against it. No way they would be friends with somebody like him.
    >>He arrived at the hill and what a sight to see. Pure white untouched snow covered the hill from top to bottom. A place to have as much fun as he wants and more importantly, a place to get away from the other kids. For the rest of the day he took Blizzy up and down the hills have a blast.
    >>As the sun was approaching the horizon, Blake made his way back. He was only about 1/2 a mile away when he heard the one thing he had been dreading to hear.
    >>"Hey, lard!"
    >>Blake's last name was Ard. The kids would rarely call him by his first name and he didn't really get the insult of lard, but a name is a name. Blake kept moving, ignoring them.
    >>"Don't walk away, I know you can hear me"
    >>Blake heard footsteps behind him, fastly approaching. It was too late for Blake, he just had to endure now. He was pushed to the ground. The kid who pushed him then kicked him over so that he was face up.
    >>"Where were you?"
    >>Blake didn't speak. The boy that pushed him glanced at the sled.
    >>"Oh, looks like you found my sled."
    >>"It's not yours" replied Blake
    >>"Are you calling me a liar?"
    >>The boy took the sled and kicked Blake again.
    >>"Next time don't call me a liar"
    >>The boy walked away with his group of friends. Blake got up and walked home. He went straight up to his room and locked the door. He hopped on his bed and went to pull out Blizzy from his pocket to find nothing was there. He couldn't believe it; Blake's first friend and he already lost him. A horrible ending to what was suppose to be a good day. At least the day is over. It seemed to take hours but eventually Blake finally fell asleep. Well, as close to sleep as he could get. He felt miserable, uncomfortable, and cold.
  2. Exceptional story I must say. You and Shelluser did a good job on this one!
    ShelLuser, StoneSky and CallumDAKing like this.
  3. Hm, that's good! I'm sure it's not over yet, though!
    ShelLuser and StoneSky like this.
  4. Part 2
    >>Blake woke up feeling warm and comfortable. He eventually made his way out of his bed and saw that somebody had put another blanket on him. On his way out of his room, he saw something he thought he would never see again: Blizzy. There Blizzy was, just sitting on his dresser. Filled with joy, Blake grabbed Blizzy ran downstairs and saw his parents sitting on the couch watching the news. Blake gathered his snow gear and made his way out the door.
    >>"Don't stay out too late, the news say there is a storm coming."
    >>Blake acknowledged his mother's warning and left the house. He grabbed his sled but stopped for a second. He remembered that the bully took his sled, how did it end up here? Maybe he returned it. Blake continued on and started walking to the same hill but saw something peculiar on his way: one of the neighborhood houses turned into a crime scene. A small crowd of maybe 10 or 15 gathered around it and Blake approached it. Police were walking around, taking pictures, and just generally investigating. Among the police, he saw the neighborhood kids getting questioned by police. Right then and there it snapped in Blake's brain -- this is the bully's house. Blake overheard a part of a conversation.
    >>"What happened?"
    >>"We can't release any specifics, but a family was found dead in the house."
    >>Blake immediately stopped listening and hastily made his way to the hill. He didn't go down the hill that day, he just thought about why and how they had died. It could be murder, there is no other way for a family to die in the same night. Was there?
    >>Before he knew it the storm had nearly arrived. Blake rushed back home but got distracted by the house the family died in earlier. No police were nearby and Blake was overcome with the temptation to investigate himself. Blake made his way inside the house and looked around. He flicked a light switch but no light came. The power was out. He eventually found a flashlight after shuffling around. He clicked on the flashlight and saw the house had a lot of snow in it. Snow on the kitchen counters, dining room table, couches, beds, you name it. Blake begun walking upstairs and heard some chatter approaching the house. He panicked, dropped the flashlight, and ran out the back door to his house. He ran all the way home until he finally arrived.
    >>When he opened the door, he saw his mother watching the same thing as when he left.
    >>"Hey, try to not make too much noise; your father is sleeping. He has a cold or something."
    >>Blake made himself a small dinner and went up to his room. The wind howled outside and the heavy snowfall made for low visibility. The storm has arrived.
    SirTah, lottie1664, Kytula and 4 others like this.
  5. Well... that got dark quickly! :p
    lottie1664 and Unoski like this.
  6. One of my freinds whould say (I'm not talking about Tom here): "good story, bro, good story" :)
    Kytula and StoneSky like this.
  7. As has already been mentioned elsewhere StoneSky is taking a break, so because I've been involved in the writing of this story I'm really determined to see it through, esp. because I like the plot. This is more EMC related than you might realize for now (only small spoiler I'm giving ;)). This isn't going to be easy, but I'm giving it my best to keep the story compact, just like Stone did. As always I'd really appreciate feedback.

    Part 3 - The new kids

    It was morning and Blake slowly woke up, still puzzled by what he had seen yesterday. The storm had howled and raged through most of the night, but instead of worrying that something might happen or break it actually made Blake feel at ease, relaxed and it even helped him sleep. Blake felt really good today, he opened his curtains and stared at the snow landscape. "Today is going to be awesome Blizzy!", Blake said to Blizzy, his stuffed animal. When all of a sudden he heard his mother cry out: "Robert?! Are you alright, what's wrong?!". He heard his father mumbling something in the distance and when he went to his parents bedroom he saw his mother sitting on his fathers bed. "Mom, everything alright?", Blake asked. His mother looked up to him: "Blake dear, daddy isn't feeling too well. Could you please make your own breakfast today.". Blake nodded: "Sure mom! I can get the groceries too if you want", he answered.

    "Drat, I forgot all about that", his mother answered: "If you'd be so kind Blake, it would really help!". Blake nodded. "Sure thing, take care dad!", he said. His father looked at him and smiled: "Thanks son, I'll be fin... <cough cough>". "shhht, Robert, keep quiet now", Blake's mother said to his father.

    Blake ran up to his room and grabbed Blizzy: "Blizzy, we got work to do!", he said: "Dad's not feeling well so we got to do the shopping today!". He quickly got dressed, went downstairs and made himself some breakfast. He really felt good today. "We got to hurry Blizzy", Blake said. He grabbed some money from the household jar (glass jar where the "public money" is being kept, especially for situations such as these), added one dollar out of his own allowance (which was pretty heavy, considering Blake's allowance) and soon was on his way!

    Of course all the good mood somewhat faded as soon as he stepped outside and got reminded that he'd better be careful not to run into the neighborhood bullies. But before he could really do anything the storm started to pick up a bit again. Blake quickly pulled his hood over his head. Maybe this was a good thing afterall; with this snowstorm the bullies might never see him.

    He quickly walked towards the town center and the stores, but could hardly see a thing because of the storm. <boom> "auch", Blake had ran into someone and fell down on the ground. "Ugh... can you watch the heck out already kid!", a booming voice said. Blake looked up and saw that it were the two new kids. "Oh, uh, sorry, im kinda in a hurry", Blake said not really wanting to stop and talk. One of the kids stuck his hand out to Blake: "Here, let me help you up", he said. "Thanks".

    "I'm Mort", the other kid said: "And this is my brother Marvin, Marv for short". Blake nodded. "I'm Blake", he said: "you guys are new here, right?". Marv nodded. "Well, well, if it isn't lard", a voice sounded behind Blake. Next thing he knew he got kicked to the ground. "What you got for me this time lard?", the bully said to Blake while kicking him again. "Brad, dude, cool down. I was trying to have a talk here", Mort said. "You shouldn't talk to lard, he's just a stupid creepy whiny lard", the bully answered. "We'll make up our own mind", Marv answered: "Mort, lets get out of here, I'm bored.". Mort nodded: "So how's that new mountain bike treating you Brad?". "It is the coolest, you guys got to check it out!". Mort and Marvin nodded and soon the three walked off, leaving Blake alone.

    Blake quickly got up and sighed in relief. That wasn't too bad, at least the bullies didn't take his money, that would have been a disaster! He quickly ran to the store, got the groceries for dinner and then ran home again.
    SirTah, lottie1664, 607 and 1 other person like this.
  8. Continue please :D
    607 likes this.
  9. <gets out popcorn and grabs a beanbag chair> Yes please go on
  10. In my head I'm writing part four :confused:
    Save me from myself
    Equinox_Boss and Jelle68 like this.
  11. I am, already have some drafts ready. Problem was that it was around 24 - 28 degrees Celsius here and extremely humid. During that weather it's simply too hard for me to concentrate for such projects. I don't write stories, I don't code and sometimes I even can't bring myself to play with redstone.

    But that seems to have passed a bit so yeah. I'm definitely going to pick up on stories (not just this one).
  12. Part 4 - Silence before the storm

    When Blake woke up the next day he heard his parents arguing: "Honey, I'll be just fin<cough, cough>", his father said. "No, you're not. I'm calling a doctor Robert", his mother replied. Although his father didn't want to admit it he wasn't looking too well. But despite that his father still didn't want to go see the doctor. Blake got dressed and listened for a moment as his parents kept arguing.

    He stepped into his parents bedroom, stood there for a while and then suddenly interrupted the argument: "Dad? I really think you should listen to mom. Don't worry about the firewood and the groceries, I've watched you so many times that I can do that. Honest, I can!". His dad looked up to him and smiled. "ok, ok, you two... But Blake: be careful, remember what I taught you, ok?". Blake nodded.

    "I'll make my own breakfast mom, don't worry. And I'll also make you some tea dad", Blake said before heading downstairs. He carefully boiled some water, and while he was making breakfast his mother suddenly entered the kitchen and gave him a big hug. "Thanks Blake", she said: "that really helped!". "uhm, sure mom", Blake answered not really sure how to respond here. He could see that she had been crying, so this must be really serious.

    After breakfast Blake got ready to do the chores. He decided to head out to town first and chop the firewood later. "Oh, Blake!", his mother yelled from upstairs: "please don't stay out playing too long, they announced a snowstorm coming so please be careful!". "Yes mom!", Blake yelled back.

    During his walk to town he passed the house of the two new kids. "Bullseye again! You're pretty good at this Marv", one of the kids said from the backyard. Blake looked as he passed by and could see one of them shooting a bow and arrow. "Oh hi there... Blake... wasn't it?", the other kid said to Blake when he spotted him. Blake nodded back. "Come on in", the kid said while beaconing: "You remember us, right? Mort and Marv?". Blake stepped in while Mort walked over: "Say, sorry about the other day. Honest, sometimes that Brad kid really is just that", Mort said to Blake. "Watch this Blake", Marv said while taking aim at the target. And for sure: bullseye. Again.

    The kids talked a bit and Blake told them how his father was ill and that he had to do some shopping. "You know what, we'll come with you", Mort said: "we'll keep you out of trouble here, right Marv?". Marv nodded back in agreement.

    While the kids walked to the town center they talked about all sorts of stuff. Blake learned that Marv was really hooked on shooting his bow, he practiced nearly every chance he got. Mort was really in support of his brother and much to Blake's surprise Mort was actually the oldest of the two. Even though he was quite a bit shorter than Marvin. "I always wanted to be bigger", Mort said: "but yeah...". Marv patted Blake on the shoulder and whispered: "But what Mort lacks in height he makes up for with brawn, I'll tell you that".

    The kids went to the store, Blake got all the groceries and the other things his parents needed and they were soon back at Blake's house, just in time to see the doctor leave. "Marv and me will going home now", Mort said. Blake nodded and waved them goodbye before stepping into the house where his mother was waiting for him.

    "Blake dear", she said: "we need to talk honey. It's about your father, he's... not doing so well".
    Jelle68 and 607 like this.
  13. What is the age recommendation for this story? :p
  14. That is the main thing I'm struggling with to be honest. There are some darker areas here, but nothing too much over the top. However, I am giving it my best to keep things from getting too dark while still keeping some tension in.
    607 and Vizsco like this.
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