Howdy! Some people might know me. My old name was Raiin, but I changed it to Varua. I hope I am posting this in the right thread! I almost never share anything about me, not in-game and also not in real life. Especially when it has to do with my depression. But somehow I feel the need to tell about my depression. Maybe just to clear my mind, I am not sure. I've been fighting against that ugly enemy now for around 9 years. It started when I was around 16 years old, do the maths and you know my age . I've been in therapy now for 6-7 years, did it help me? Yes, it definitly did. But even after 6-7 years of therapy, I am still having more bad days then good days. Since I am still not where I wanna be with my depression, I decided around 6-8 weeks ago to sign up for group therapy. I keep fighting against depression, cause I know I will defeat it someday. Why I am typing this today? Well, its one of those bad days today. And I wanted to type away my thoughts. Put it on a paper, and write it all away. But why should I keep it for myself, if I maybe can help others with it? A few years ago I was ashamed that I was fighting against depression. "Depression? No, I cant talk about that. Otherwise people gonna think I am looking for attention, people gonna judge me on it. I dont want their pity." All that kind of thoughts have been going on and on for years, and I still have them sometimes. But that is exactly the reason why I am trying to open up more about it. My biggest "problem"? I have been in survival mode for such a long time, that I became very good at switching off my feelings and my emotions. It feels sometimes like I am numb. Ah man, even while typing this I have my doubts if I should post this. "This story doesn't make sense." "Why should I post this?" "Why would someone care about this?" All that kind of thoughts are running through my head with Usain Bolt speed. So yeah, this was my little story.. Or maybe it got long. I dont even know! But hey.. "The harder the battle, the harder we fight." In case you got any question or anything else, feel free to react or message me in DM. PS. Dont mind my grammar etc. English is not my main language.
Sorry to hear you had a rough day, but I'm glad you're letting your thoughts out. Keep fighting! My inbox is always open to you or anybody else that needs a place to chat.
This server has always been open to support players, well done for opening up. Depression affects more people than you might think, not everyone recognises it; its good that you do and you do not always need to understand it just know it will ease and go away for a while now and then. Someone posted this on LinkedIn some time ago and I used the image as my avatar on EMC as a reminder that we all go through or deal with difficult health/issues although not all the same. I like this as it points out sometimes or most times its ok not to be ok. I hope you feel ok soon https://www.marbleslostandfound.co.uk/blog/post/piglet-and-pooh "Piglet?" said Pooh. "Yes Pooh?" said Piglet. "Do you ever have days when everything feels... Not Very Okay At All? And sometimes you don't even know why you feel Not Very Okay At All, you just know that you do." Piglet nodded his head sagely. "Oh yes," said Piglet. "I definitely have those days." "Really?" said Pooh in surprise. "I would never have thought that. You always seem so happy and like you have got everything in life all sorted out." "Ah," said Piglet. "Well here's the thing. There are two things that you need to know, Pooh. The first thing is that even those pigs, and bears, and people, who seem to have got everything in life all sorted out... they probably haven't. Actually, everyone has days when they feel Not Very Okay At All. Some people are just better at hiding it than others. "And the second thing you need to know... is that it's okay to feel Not Very Okay At All. It can be quite normal, in fact. And all you need to do, on those days when you feel Not Very Okay At All, is come and find me, and tell me. Don't ever feel like you have to hide the fact you're feeling Not Very Okay At All. Always come and tell me. Because I will always be there....
Thanks for sharing Varua! Depression must not be a taboo. I myself am in therapy for the same, as well as anxiety. In a way, it has become normal for me, but I also have the courage to get better. I'm so glad you can talk openly about it! By talking about the negative thought pattern you can break it . We are not our thoughts, we are not our feelings, but we have the joy and challenge of living with it.
I have also been struggling. You are not alone in your struggle. You are very brave to share this. I agree with Klumpelil Depression is not a choice. Anxiety is not a choice. Illness is not a choice. Be the 'you' that you want to be. If today didn't go very well, try again tomorrow. Don't stop trying. You can be the 'you' that you would like to be.
I have a friend who suffers from depression and it's just awful. I cannot relate, but I do my best to be there for him during his time of need. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to privately message me.
