Something Is Wrong With Me >:(

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by 1MB, Mar 8, 2013.

  1. People may or may not no the true me... but, when I first joined the empire, I had dysthymia (chronic depression). Two treatments to this are psychotherapy (finding and mentally overcoming problems) and being close to friends (having friends support you).

    After being banned for being rude a few times in the past... I started realizing I needed to control my temper a bit better... Formerly I was suicidal, but I befriended a few people (At the time it was Matheus and a few other people (who have now quit)). Having a few friends made me feel like I had at least something to live for.

    I also tried just catching myself mentally (the psychotherapy portion of the treatment) and just try to be nice to people as best as I can.

    Lately, though, I've been lonelier then ever:
    Since joining emc I tried asking out a few guys to find out they all are straight... and lately I try not to think of the thought of me not being with someone... but the thought still occurs.

    Also my sister and brother-in-law just got their own house and moved out... and now my parents are almost never here anymore again, and I have no one to talk to in person.

    Also I was asked on Facebook by former friends at my school if I wanted to go play basketball (the one time I was invited) ... and none of them showed up at the court the day they said we'd play.

    Past few weeks I've been progressively getting random episodes where i just feel so angry ... and I'll say things to people without thinking them over, unlike I used to... and am just so ticked off all the time.

    I also notice that because of me getting angry... I try to just fit in and do what others are doing so I can be a part of what people are doing... (ie. Mumble, people meeting at residences, drop parties) ... I join them not really for the items or the conversations, I am really doing it so I'll have people to hang with so I don't feel so depressed and abandoned.

    I have also noticed that because of me, I see players and friends and people on mumble get agitated when I try to join in or talk to them, because I might be annoying... I never meant to give off this vibe of dislike from everyone... Lately, it's just that i've been losing the ability to come over my self psychotherapy ... and just feel like nothing matters.

    If I have ever said something to you, please disregard what I said.
    I noticed I am losing my mind, and people might not feel the same about me that they used to... but, I just want people to know I am sorry if I hurt you ...

    Guess you could say: I'm a mental case gone wrong :/
  2. Welcome to my life, except I hate almost everyone, especially my co workers at work.
  3. But, but, your both good people...
  4. Caleb is a good person, I am not . If you know me Irl , you'd hate me too
  5. But...
    Equinox_Boss and eklektoi like this.
  6. Wut.
    That's....a bit awkward
    Equinox_Boss and eklektoi like this.
  7. He is bi-sexual
  8. And this is why you don't jump to conclusions involving sensitive topics...
  9. That's not going to help him feel better. If he's feeling depressed/angry all the time, keep that to yourself.

    I haven't really seen you on EMC at all, but it helps that you posted this. People might know how to help. I'll be your friend in game.
    Equinox_Boss and eklektoi like this.
  10. Quite disappointed by this post mate.
  11. Equinox_Boss, mba2012, jay2a and 2 others like this.
  12. Even if he's gay or bisexual, he's still a male...
  13. INB4possiblehomosexualityflamewar

    There's nothing wrong with you, just find some people you want to be around and who make you feel good.
  14. I know the feeling. Got invited to eat out with some people and sat at a table by myself for 30 mins. before i realized no one was coming.

    Ill live with you but you gotta fly me out there cant promise ill be good company ill probably creep you out like this whole sentence just did.


    Dont follow the crowd (mumble etc..) be yourself be assertive! Like when Sonicol1 and pandaseatramen ignore me on skype and decide to go on and on about Dr. Who i just have a dance party in my room and imagine a wacky waving inflatable arm man <--- great friend to have by the way.

    xD Send me a message if you ever feel like talking if i havent scared you away >.>

    im not crazy <.<
  15. who cares if hes gay or bi its just the matter of he wants to find some good friends on empire to hang out with. and us the people of empire are supposed to be the type of people who would read this and straight away try and find him just to hang out with him for the sake of being his friend, alos isnt making friends and being friendly one of the main points of minecraft?. anyways im just saying take this into account, also ekletoi im in the proccess of building my hall of friends and i will be putting you in it definately ok thats all i have to say for now. just think about it :)
  16. <This guy wants a friend to slowly turn insane with :3
    You don't seem odd, you seem calm usually ( except when i constantly bug you :p)
    Equinox_Boss likes this.
  17. I don't hate you bro.

    Thanks mate, i'll have to take you up on that offer :D

    Thanks math ... if people must know, I Guess you could say i'm between orientations .... I used to feel bi ... used to label as bi... also used to label as gay .... as for my feelings I find girls attractive, yes.. I find guys attractive yes ... As for sexually thinking about guys or girls - i'm attracted to both ... as for wanting to be in a relationship ... i couldn't imagine being with a girl ... I really only find 'love' attraction to guys

    Thanks Panda, I guess it's selfish for me to think this sometime, but I join mumble sometimes and will wait until i'm invited or someone says my name ... so i'll feel like i'm fitting in ... if not and i wait too long i might join and just act completely random :3

    As for me sounding different ... yeh I tend to change my accent alot :p ... i've learned english well enough that i know how to do some accents ... and am around so many people and feel so relaxed I try to sound like the people around me to fit in a bit more. I've contemplating stop doing it ... but then people might not understand me as easily lol.

    Thanks Brit, nah you didn't scare me lol ... I find randomness to be the best personalities in people, as they don't fit in with the norm ... norm is bad :D
    Hopefully i can maintain my composure so I don't have to text you about it... but I could still text you for general chat sometime :D

    Thanks to everyone else for the support ... Even though I am a pain in everyone's butt sometime ... It shocked me this many people support me ... But I actually am feeling better than I was, I watched a few movies ... completed some programs I wrote ... And went out town for a bit earlier....

    If anyone has anything that want to ask about me, feel free - the more things that aren't hidden ... i guess the better :)
  18. Pull a lizard and just go on about random tangents. It will make you less scared to talk and have more fun in mumble.
  19. something you can try to make friends is either wait for them to go to you or find some guys that do stuff you like (MC XBOX Basketball etc) or if its a girl just keep poking her and eventually she will be your friend :p (Actually works)
    Equinox_Boss likes this.
  20. one more thing if you think your friends dont acccpt you or want to hang out with you at times, then they are not your real friends real friends will see you when your mad and ask whats wrong or if your acting sill they wont pretent to not know you a real friend would join in being silly ect ect
    armc3j and Equinox_Boss like this.