Comments on Profile Post by belac555

not enough info

She's on a cruise with her family and got service for a few hours today and told me about this guy she met. She says she feels terrible to have a crush on him but does have a crush on him. We are getting ready to hit the 1 year mark in our relationship

I'm a traditional person, so that's a big red flag for me. However, polygamy does exist, and there are people who will show interest in other people while in a relationship. The key factor is whether or not she remains loyal and returns to you every time.

If she does, there's nothing to worry about. If she doesn't, even if she's only dumping you for a day and comes back the next day with regrets, then your relationship isn't stable.

I know someone who openly flirts with and checks out guys even while her husband is standing right next to her. But her husband understands that she will never engage seriously with anyone else, and at the end of the day, she remains faithful to him. It doesn't strain their relationship, and it's great that your girlfriend is telling you about it.

The correct response from you is the same that it would be in any situation. Talk to her about her it, and listen to her side of the story. If at the end of the conversation, you feel like you can't respect her having other crushes, then you may want to reconsider your relationship.

But you shouldn't make her feel bad about having a crush, because as I understand it, a crush is a chemical response, not controlled by logic.

-end of lengthy response-

Thank you for the advice.

If she had said she just crushed on Justin Timberlake and went all gooey talking about how he showed up for 3 hours on the cruise and helicoptered out of there. What would be your answer there?
Actions. She chose to talk to you. Suck it up and find out what he did that she liked - played cards like a shark? Ok. That's nice for him...

And if we are honest with ourselves, it feels nice to flirt a minute and have some attention on us. Everyone has been in that seat.

I like Katy's response.

She told you about it - major green flag. You can be jealous if you want but if you’re mad over it meh sounds like a you problem.

It’s normal to find yourself around others feeling a distinguished attraction while your already in a relationship.
Being in a romantic relationship doesn’t shutdown these feelings. They are natural, but it is important to exercise caution and self-discipline to stay true for one another. You shouldn’t be angry. You should try to be understanding and forgiving.

It’s up to BOTH OF YOU to decide what you will do with that. You can accept, that it’s normal to have those feelings or not.
Nevertheless the both of you must realize though for a stable relationship, you’re running the risk of going over the edge if you let yourself go beyond flirting.

I’m sure that once you’ve learned to ignore acting out on those feelings when it comes to others outside your relationship and focus on what you want your relationship to be, it will be a lot easier to deal with them moving forward. And that’s what it ultimately comes to, do you want to continue moving forward with this person and do they feel the same way?

Thank everyone for their advice. I guess the main thing I'm worried about is even if she does go farther than flirting and kisses him how do I trust her again, how do I not see that every time we are together or every time I kiss her again

Np! 😄 Well, put it this way… as it has been stated before, the mere fact that she came out and told you says a lot about her. Her loyalty is in words, but how about her actions when she doesn’t have to worry about being caught?
I’m not trying to rile you up, I’m merely saying, consider all the possibilities and ask yourself which one seems most likely, based on what you know about this person.

There’s a lot of if’s!!! If she does go too far, that is going to hurt. Mentally, emotionally, all the way around. If, she does, a good way to move on from that would be to accept her for her faults and giver her some time alone to get her head right.

If she feels guilty, she cares. If she does anything again to shake your trust in her, chances are she doesn’t really care. If she does, forgive her and stay friends with her. Resuming the relationship romantically is your call regardless, but it’s wiser to let things pan out.

Say she confesses to whatever, you have a right to be sad and upset, but more importantly, don’t let yourself react in anger. Verbally or physically. It’s best to walk away in those situations. Wait until the time is right, and you don’t feel so heated talking about it. Then you could spill your pain to the thought of her betrayal. Even if it doesn’t work out, your hurt feelings still matter don’t they?

If she does anything with him you have every right to walk away obviously. But she hasn’t, and the fact she’s been open about merely finding the guy attractive indicates very strongly to me that she won’t.

Yeah they do and I'm really hoping she doesn't do anything with him. So I'll keep yall updated lol

Regardless of how you bridge with your SO, you must try to remember that we all make mistakes. Sometimes that means losing a best friend, a partner, a lover, etc, but that doesn’t always mean it’s over. Sometimes it means giving each other some space.

And finally, trust and communication. If you don’t talk, there’s no relationship. If you don’t trust, what is your reason to keep going?

As I would hope others would want the same for me, I really hope that you stay connected and things continue to work out in your relationship. 😊 Take care 🍻