Shell's self-driving car

Discussion in 'Writers' Corner' started by ShelLuser, Aug 22, 2016.

  1. Got a mail today from my gf who found something from my past.. 3 years ago my favourite IT news site featured an article about self driving cars. It was suggested that eventually cars would become smarter than us. Yeah, and that led me to write up the following, hope you'll enjoy :)

    Shell's self driving 'smart' car :)

    Aaah, here we go... Gotta go visit a customer in Amsterdam, it'll be a one hour or so drive from my home town and with my new smart car I can work out some paperwork along the way. HA, those goofs on public transportation with their big brother chipcard.... (in Holland you need a chipcard for this; thing is that to get access to reductions and such you need to register with $company and give them access to your bank account so that they charge you automagically. Many people like myself call that big brother because they can very easily track you).

    And so we're on our way, the car drives me through my home town flawlessly while I get the occasional weird looks when people see me read the newspaper right behind the wheel while the light turns green but they're just jealous. Suckers! :)

    Soon we're on the highway to Amsterdam and the speed also increases. Due to traffic the car remains in the right lane (we drive on the right side of the road, no pun intended) and everything is going just fine.

    Until all of a sudden: "Warning, gas station about in 2 km, please get ready for a quick stop to pick up required fuel". What?! I filled her up only yesterday, what's this for nonsense? I check my dashboard and there it is; 80% full. That is WAY then enough to make it to Amsterdam and back, so that we can get some fuel in Germany later on (much cheaper over there). Aah, must be a glitch...

    So we continue and what do you know; "Warning, gas station in 1 km, please get ready for a fuel stop!". No, what the heck is this for nonsense. I hit the dashboard meter and it remains on 80% full.
    "Warning, taking exit in 500m to refuel". Ok, screw this. I throw my paperwork on the passenger seat, click the override button and take the wheel myself. "Override engaged, have a good drive" the automated voice tells me. Finally we're getting somewhere, I increase speed and go over to the left lane. Time to get moving!

    Then, only 10 minutes later, "Warning, fuel tanks nearly empty. Enforcing fuel stop in 2km", the autovoice goes again. What?! And what do you know; 8 minutes later: "Warning, overriding car control for emergency fuelstop. Please do not be alarmed", and all of a sudden I can no longer steer the car myself. It takes back on the throttle, returns to the right lane and obviously gets ready to stop at a gas station with a nearly full fuel tank.

    The heck ?!

    As expected; there we are 2 minutes later... "Warning, emergency fuel stop. Please get out and replenish fuel reserves". But but but.... "You're completely filled up, you idiot!", I cry out, knowing very well that this car doesn't have voice dictation or such. "Fiiiiine!...", I get out completely pissed off, and refuel the car for a meager E 5,-. When paying the man behind the desk points me to a sign: "Minimum fuel consumption 10liter". Great! So now I gotta pay for fuel I couldn't even buy.

    Quite agitated I get back in the car, fire her up and get ready to drive away. "Warning, fuel reserves nearly depleted, getting ready for emergency stop on parking lot!". WHAT?!

    I pick up my phone and call my dealer. What the heck is going on here, this is just way stupid. Right, the mechanic will be here in one hour or so, great. Better cancel that appointment, because there's NO way I'll be able to make it this way.

    And finally he arrives, takes place behind the wheel, starts the car... "Ah yes, I see what's going on. No need to worry sir, it seems the battery is nearly dead. This car has a small software bug where it sometimes doesn't detect the fuel source as expected; so it mistook your battery for your fuel tank". "So what do I do now? I need to be in Amsterdam today"... But the mechanic told me not to worry; he would simply grab an emergency firmware update from the company, install it and all should be well.

    And what do you know? 20 minutes later I'm finally back on the road, behind the wheel and the morning paper again. MUCH better... "Warning, screenwiper water reserves nearly empty. Getting ready to stop to replenish water at next fuel station". What?!

    Now quite annoyed I call the car company again demanding to speak with that same mechanic who helped me out. "Yeah well, we couldn't really fix the firmware just yet so we simply switched two other sources. Water reserves you say? Let me look it up... Ah yes, here it is: that would now mean that your oil reserves are a bit low". "No they're not, I filled those only last week", I protest.

    "Yes, but you now forget to take tank capacity into account. While the oil tank maybe full enough, if you take the same storage percentage, apply that on your much smaller water tank then it would be a lot emptier".

    That doesn't make any sense to me, but ok.. I'll just fill both tanks up and then I can finally be on my way again. What a lousy day this is turning out to be. As soon as we stop at the gas station I get right to work; just to make sure I fill both the water and oil reserves, and to rule out anything else also take care of tire pressure.

    AND we're on our way again... "Warning, oil tanks filled beyond maximum capacity. Risk of fire in engine imminent, making emergency stop!".

    WHAT. THE. HECK?!!

    This is almost as bad as the time Windows told me that I didn't have enough free space on my drive to delete some of my files!!

    "There's no need to become insulting sir", my car suddenly responds...
    BlinkyBinky, VoxelRay, 607 and 3 others like this.
  2. That was a good ride, uh, read!! ;)
    TomvanWijnen likes this.
  3. Sell that old clunker and get this thing.
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    TromboneSteve, Dufne and TomvanWijnen like this.
  4. Your so lucky the mechanic did not update your car to a version where half of the meters where removed complete. and the speed meter is defective. And you cannot changed the dashboard layout back to how you want. Oh the did put soem extra plate in front of your lock. you need to move aside now.

    Welcome to the future. :confused::D:eek::(