Hello EMC, I am currently writing a novel that will be sold at my residence and I will let everyone get a preview of the first chapter and the story is about a king that is kidnapped by the ender dragon and a group of friends band together to rescue him well anyways leave your thoughts of the chapter here and enjoy! As the sun rose on a nice sunny day, King Aikar with his royal crown, septer, and robe sat down on his throne. His wife Queen Maxarias had been out shopping for shoes in the kingdom. Krysyyjane9191 the royal assistant, had came in to tell her king of the troubles the enderman have been causing in the kingdom. With the wave of his septer Aikar had ordered Krysyyjane9191 to go and get Maxarias to keep her from danger. Krysyyjane9191 had then ran quickly and got on her dark brown horse and went off to get Maxarias, praying that her queen was safe. Meanwhile a group of friends were on the beach spending time together. Mustanglover25 and Clan23 were in the water surfing the waves, Cdjs1987 and Alain1087 were throwing a frisbee to each other, and JackBiggin was sunbathing in the sand. They were all completely unaware that they were about to go on a life changing journey. Krysyyjane9191 had arrived at the market and found Maxarias "My queen! My queen! Aikar has ordered me to get you back to the castle now as you are in great danger!" said Krysyyjane9191. "Why what is it?" said Maxarias "It's the enderman they are coming for you!" said Krysyyjane9191. The two of them had the ran to the dark brown horse and traveled back to the castle. As they went into the castle after arrival, they find a horrible suprise in the royal hall. "King Aikar is missing!" said krysyyjane9191. "Look a note!" said Maxarias. Maxarias had then read the note aloud "Are you wondering what happened to your king? I have sent my army of enderman to kidnap him. If you ever want to see Aikar alive again you must declare me your new ruler before midnight a week from now. Signed, Ender Dragon" "What do we do now?" said Krysyyjane9191 looking at the note in disbelief. "I know what to do." said Maxarias as she walked up to a mirror hanging on a wall she then said "Mirror Mirror on the wall, who's the bravest of them all." The mirror then showed the group of friends on the beach. "Krysyy do you see these people here?" said Maxarias "Yes" said krysyyjane919. "I need them here at the castle now!" said Maxarias "Yes my queen." said Krysyyjane9191 and then ran outside, got back on her horse, and rode it to the beach.
Also I just thought of this, you can preorder the book and revive it 5 days before it's release to the public. PM me if interested and I will give you the price.
Looks pretty good so far! I already can tell how it's going to end: Alain throws the frisbee to cdjs, but misses and hits the enderdragon in the head instead, who yells, "Derpity derp derp derp!" and falls out of the sky. As everyone goes LOL, King Aikar crawls out of a nearby bush, where he had been napping all along. Then they all go home and feast on burritos prepared by arctic foxes. The end.
I gave it a 3, because I wasn't really caught in from the title, like I was for "The Hobbit". Also a couple of grammar things like everything in red, I think you should add some more staff to make this very interesting . But I like the story line and the theme. 3/5 from ww2 publishing tm.
Okay, small English lesson from a 13 year old Everytime you start a new line of dialogue, you need to indent (which you can't do at the moment) and start a new line. So if krysyy talks, you would start a new line. If Maxarias follows, you would start a new line. Example: "Hi Maxarias," said krysyyjane9191. "Hi krysyy," replied Maxarias. Also, after the character says something, you put a comma in place of the period. Question marks and exclamation points stay the same.
You should work on your ortography, I think there are some spelling errors. Apart from that it's fun, 6/10
