I need some "Help/Advice"

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by finch_rocks_1, May 10, 2016.

  1. Hey EMC,

    As many of you know, I am different in many ways, If you don't know, go read some of my other threads... Anyway, I am kinda in a Trap here. See the situation is I have been seeing my Dr's and Counselors and I will be on my 5th month now...

    I told my dad that I will be starting last year, although have not told him yet that I have. I am not sure how to bring it up to him... I can do it in text/word messages but verbal is a whole other story.

    I am so bad at talking about thus subjects through verbal, and I never know what to say...

    So what I am asking is if anyone can maybe word/say how I should explain to my dad. I will write a few examples of what I have come up with below.

    "Dad, I have something to tell you" - Would start all examples i cam up with...

    "Me and my Counselor have been talking and we thought I would try for a week and see how i would feel, and I felt more at ease, so we decided to stay longer on it, and my moods, feelings and all have changed so much to make me feel happier, so I decided I will stay on it but not do anything further until I finish college and get a job in the field."

    "You know how I have seemed to be happier the last few weeks-months.... Well that's coz me and my counselor thought i would try and see how I feel, so i.... (Same ending as last)"

    I am also kinda a bit afraid of his reaction on starting, he seemed fine in the past, but i am just a very shy person.

    Also, Would like to keep this a Debate Free Thread.... You start one, you comment gets deleted.

    If you have any questions, just ask, :)
    NetherSpecter, 607, MrsWishes and 2 others like this.
  2. just be bold. thats the most important thing.
    do what feels right and dont worry about how you say it, just say it
    Patr1cV, deathconn, ShelLuser and 2 others like this.
  3. One of the pillars of parenting is 'loving your child unconditionally', another is 'being there for them in their times of need' and helping them where you can. If your dad is even a somewhat decent parent (I'll bet he's much better than the 'white trash' parents most of America and the UK seem to have), he'll be understanding of it. If I was a father (and I don't plan to be for at least another 14 years lol) and my child was going through what you're going through, I probably wouldn't be all too comfortable with it (I'm not trying to be offensive here, just sharing my point of view, I'm only human and we are simple beings unaccustomed to rapid change especially with big things like this), but I'd try my best to be as supportive as I could - besides, it's their decision and their life. Not mine. They can do what they want. It's a brave thing to do and you probably have enough with problems without your parents judging you too.

    I'd want them to tell it like it is. What you wrote up there looks fine to me. Say it with confidence and don't make a huge deal out of it is my advice.

    Don't take my word for it. Get a second opinion on my opinion first. I'm only a 45 year old man with a chronic lack of self-confidence, experience in life, and am bad at communicating my points properly :rolleyes:
    607, SSRCMegaMall and finch_rocks_1 like this.
  4. Would like to add... I always seem like i can say it... but i get there, and barely can speak... its like this with anything...

    Also a side note, he is away in Negril, Jamaica until Monday night :p
  5. Well as cheesy and corny as it sounds. I was in the same boat as you finch when I came out as gay. I couldn't acturally say it to my parents for the longest of times. That being said, I wrote it in a letter and gave it to my parents personally, and sat down with them as they read it. Therefore, you're are still doing it personally and you're not hiding behind a screen. Yet, you can overcome your fear of outright saying it. Honestly, the best way to handle things is to just say it and be honest. Don't hide behind other flowery sentence structures and syntax because the only thing the person will remember is when you tell them the fact of the matter.

    I spent 3 whole years of my life fretting and trying to hide my sexuality. When I finally had the courage to tell my friends and family the response I got was, "Ok, cool. So did you get the answer for question #34?"

    The point being, if your dad already knew about it, then he has thought long about it and has had time to adjust. It still might take awhile but I honestly and truely believe he will accept you and you'll be laughing about this years from now.

    With much love and Optimism,
    Kyle McIntyre
  6. Dont really get what you are trying to express to your dad, but i also have a hard time explaining things verbally. Well maybe tell a friend/family member to help you know how to express the topic you are on to? not a really good suggestion , but maybe it helps. All i can do for right now is wish you good luck!
    Patr1cV and finch_rocks_1 like this.
  7. I still have not told my dad :p Kinda Scared, and cant seem to get a chance... but wow others are starting to notice, and want to tell him soon...
    Patr1cV and SSRCMegaMall like this.
  8. No matter what happens, I think I can speak for the whole EMC community, we love you and we will always be here to support you. :)
    TotoStyle, Patr1cV, 607 and 2 others like this.
  9. I think with theses things, there's nothing worse than to plan them - as they may not always go according to your plans.
    So, my advice to you, would be to take a deep breath and just go for it. Just ask your dad if you can talk to him for a couple of minutes, and that should get his attention. Try not to speak to quietly, because he needs to fully understand and you need to get the message across. Your dad is family, so no matter what, he will love and support you. I'm sure everything will be fine, I know it's easy for me to say because I'm not in your shoes. Just remember the deep breath part ( trust me that's important). You've just got to have an little confidence. :)
    Good luck, and I hope all goes well!
    Patr1cV, 607, ShelLuser and 1 other person like this.
  10. This reminds me of something: the moment when I told my gf how much she meant to me and how much I cared for her. Yups, I fully agree with the players above; whatever you do, don't plan this. Keep the main things you want to get across in mind and then.... just do it.

    Easy? No way! Scary? Well, I sure was wrecking nervous... But its the best way to go here.

    Edit: I noticed this was some time ago... Did you talk to him already and if you don't mind me asking: how did it go?
    607 and finch_rocks_1 like this.
  11. On cell getting ready for work. so will keep it short.... not yet but plan on doing it this week I hope....
    ShelLuser likes this.
  12. That's cute XD
    finch_rocks_1 likes this.
  13. Wow. The advice given here seems very good. I hope I'll once be able to do things like that. I always plan everything in my head, whether I want it or not, and it makes me get frustrated a lot. I'm trying to not think so much (there's a great Dutch word here, but I wouldn't know if it exists in English: piekeren is what I do too much), but it's hard to stop worrying and just have conversation and see how it rolls.
    TomvanWijnen and finch_rocks_1 like this.
  14. I plan on telling my dad this weekend, If I don't Chicken out.... Tehe
    SirTah, ThaKloned and ShelLuser like this.
  15. Best of luck finch. As a parent, all I would want is for my daughter to be happy with her life because it's hers and she will live it the way she wants and not anyone else. TBH just say what comes to your mind. That this is what you want and that you hope they can support it. If people can't then it's their loss.
  16. Don't... Bite your lip, think about what could be the worst thing to happen (lets be honest: he already accepted you for who you are, didn't he?) and then... seriously... tell him.

    There's more, obviously... now, I don't want to intrude too much but.. I do get the impression that you like your dad (just ignore me when I get too personal!). Isn't this whole thing also about him as it is about you? I know I might make this sound way more easy than it is (and I know it, trust me, not my intent!) but... I think you should also keep your fathers feelings and interests in mind as well.

    I'm not saying that you owe it to him (re-reading my comments almost make me think I am) but.. yeah, there is more at stake here IMO. I think you should also keep your dad in mind when coming forward.

    Meh, I'm not good at this but ... yeah.. I really wish you strength and courage! Hoping things work out for you buddy! Hang in there!
    Patr1cV, 607 and finch_rocks_1 like this.
  17. I still don't really get what you're telling him :confused:
  18. Well I told my dad.... and All went well. Here is what I said... and don't laugh :p

    Dad, Your pizza is ready, and the Pool is filling up slow, and may have a blur from the iron content in the water from our well, but should clear up once we get it full enough to turn the filter on..... Anyways, I was talking with the Counselor and we decided that I am going to wait till i finish my program and get a job in the industry. Me and my counselor where also talking and thought to try HRT for a few weeks and see how I feel, and all went well, so I continued to stay on it... Even though I am waiting, I will still be dressing as myself at home, as I feel more comfy and more myself and free....

    And all went well.... Sorry if it sounds funny, we just got our new pool liner installed and 2 truck loads of water 40,000 Litters... and it is just under the skimmer, so we have to use the hose to fill it up...
    607, ShelLuser and ThaKloned like this.
  19. Well done. I knewy ou could do it! So happy for you :)
    finch_rocks_1 and ShelLuser like this.
  20. :)

    But you see, this is exactly what we've been saying above. Don't try to practice too much, just say it without worrying too much about how you say it. And I guess that paid off. I'm really happy for you! It maybe difficult at times but its often best to just come out with the truth, esp. to your family and those closer to you.

    Nice going!
    finch_rocks_1, HannahEB and 607 like this.