^What Pandas said. Also, let me say four things: 1. Talk to your parents about it. They'll (probably, hopefully) be much more helpful than this forum. If you don't feel comfortable talking about it, or don't feel you can be honest, there's likely another problem that needs to be solved first. 2. You should only change for someone if you'd be willing to make the same change on your own. Likewise, you should only ask these kinds of changes, if any, from someone else. They can be hard changes, but ideally they are beneficial ones in the opinion of both people involved. 3. Most relationships between young people start out very pleasant, especially if it's the first serious relationship for one or both people. Being truly close to another person for the first time can be unbelievably nice, but keep in mind that emotional attachment is not the same as forming a true connection. True love is not an emotion - this is a difficult thing to explain but a good and important thing to understand. 4. Ending a bad relationship early is much, much, much better than staying in one for a long time. It will hurt, but at least it will be a thought-out decision, rather than the result of months or years of strained effort. I know you said there were other complications, but if you feel like those are holding you back from breaking up, that's just another reason to do so. The question then becomes how to break up respectfully and as painlessly as possible. Now I'm not telling you to break up, nor to stay together. Only you and her can make that decision (or your parents if they intervene). In other words, don't blame me (or anyone, for that matter) for whatever happens. Good luck. We can't have the NR's leader stressed out for too long
When I hear my wife say something like: I feel bad because ____________. I immediately start thinking: How do I fix ___________? In the past it results in her not taking my advice and instead going to her mom or our daughter and talking, which makes things worse(for me at least). I've heard that women have a tendency to want to talk about how they feel and have someone sympathize with them. Guys tend to want to communicate to find some sort of solution or achieve a goal. So if I hear her talking about how she feels instead of coming right out and asking me to do something, I often just hug her and tell her I hope she feels better about it soon. Your friend probably doesn't want you to fix to anything and especially doesn't want you to tell her that what she is feeling or thinking is wrong. Maybe the best thing to do when she says that she's fat/ugly/unloved, is to tell her that you are sorry that she feels that way and wish that she felt better about herself. Ask her if there's something you can do to make things better.
Honestly, most 14 year olds don't even understand themselves, so don't beat yourself up because you don't understand her.
If you guys are having trouble with a relationship but your friendship is working then maybe you should keep that up until you both are ready for a relationship. It's not a "I don't like you" or an "I'm mad at you" type thing, but if you really care about her, and her you, then you both should be looking for a more meaningful/lasting relationship instead of going into this relationship with unresolved problems and some bitter feelings. You're almost 15, and there is a chance this girl could be the one for you, but again, you're 15. If she's not then it's not the end of the world. If you don't think it will work out and need to end it, end it. She may take it hard, but the longer you stay in a false relationship the more attached she will become, making it even harder to end it now. It will be way more unhealthy for you both. If she took it hard last time, think about how much harder she'll take it the more she attached she becomes. What may have been a little bit of craziness, stress, denial and heartbreak may escalate to something unsafe. Talk to her. Get everything out there in the open. It may be a little awkward at first but a relationship takes work. If you can't talk to her about problems with the relationship they aren't going to magically fix themselves. You can't hope that the other person suddenly changes in the way you want them to.
I think a lot of people have given some great advice, and since I don't have any real experience dating, I am not going to try to add to that. But I would like to point something out. I am pretty similar to you in this aspect Volt. As a guy, and as an engineer type person, logic, reason, well-thought out arguments, thats how I think as well. One thing I have noticed a lot of, is that (not trying to be sterotypical here) quite a few females are not like this. They are more emotional than rational, a lot of the time, and it sounds like in your relationship with this girl, this is the case. There's nothing at all wrong with this)One of the problems that can arise from this, specifically in arguments, is that no matter how logical your arguments may be, she is likely not going to be convinced, which can be very frustrating. It seems unfair to be expected to have to take into consideration how the other person thinks when they are not doing to same for your thinking mode, but if both sides of the couple only expect the other person to take the first step into considering how they think, then nothing happens, and futile, frustrating arguments occur. So my advice to you, whether or not this relationship works out, is to try to lower down the walls of logic, and try to take into account what, and HOW, she is thinking. This probably doesn't sound very cohesive, I wrote too quickly, but hopefully you try to get the point I'm trying to make.
Ok what these two have said are very true. In the beginning of this year I got into my first relationship, it was terrible she was not in one way someone who I wanted to be with, but I couldnt find it in my heart to break up with her. It went through half the school year, some of the worst days in school. I talked to my best friend and he said end it. I took his advice now im happy .
I always thought the first thing to do when your girlfriend said that she is fat is to ask "why are you so hard on yourself"? Just my opinion that arguing does not solve relationships at all.
I edited it to phrase it better, I re-read what I posted and realized it did sound bad. Dangers of not proofreading XD
When my girlfriend asks me if she looks fat or do I think she's ugly I say When I look at you I see a strong, independent, and beautiful woman, and that she can change how she looks but nothing will ever change how I feel about her, I love her.
I know that, but the books are still a factor, for reasons I explained. Okay, perhaps I could let her know it's not constructive to threaten me with the threat of burning the books, but rather I should do what you say and communicate with her? I understand that, I am a rather self-absorbed person, the people who may not be as well off as me are not always on my mind when I say or do things.
No, he isn't, lol. People are ready to date when they're ready to date. Everyone matures in different ways in different time. Right now, I don't really need/want one, but it's around 12-14 when people start to date. I don't agree with like, 9 year olds dating eachother, but if you're 13? Yeah. I don't mind. My point being? He's old enough for a girlfriend, whether you like it or not. Volt, i'm really not experienced enough to give you advice, but i'll try to help you. Don't change who you are. My personality is changing, as it does whenever I have a birthday but it just happens naturally and the changes are really subtle - so people don't notice it. Try doing that? Also, talk it out with eachother, but not in the way I did. I started swearing, and generally started being a prat, although I used some pretty good comebacks and raised some good points that she didn't answer because she'd be pointed out as a liar. She also found 'someone else' and decided to date them 2 minutes after i've stopped 'dating' her (we never really dated, we were never together anyway, but we had a boyfriend-girlfriend-ish relationship). Heard somewhere she ended up 'doing it like a monkey' with him, even though she's still 12. And he's 14. In my school, that's happened to several Year 7s. Social services get really angry around here... People are expecting me to aswell, but I don't want one Too much trouble. Althoouughhh.... I do get flirted with and taken care of by some of the prettier looking girls... and get nervous. And sweat. And get egg on my face. But they carry on anyway... I think that might be cute or something, but I don't know if that makes me a gimp or if it makes me a little puppy. Moving on... He's learning skills to find his future wife. Maybe she will be his future wife. Maybe she won't be. How would you know? Do you own a time travelling car or a TARDIS? Can you see into the future? No, you can't, and no you don't. So please just keep quiet. You made me smile
She's gone. She can't cause me any more harm. I blocked her on Facebook. She can't reach me again in real life. She wasn't going to cooperate with me in terms of keeping a cool head and discussing things. Instead, she kept tormenting me about what she was going to do to the books. So I blocked her. And that's it. She's gone. It's done. 8 months. It is completely over. I don't have to deal with any backlash from her, she can no longer get in touch with me or arrange to see me. She effectively no longer exists to me. Meaning I don't have to see what blocking her did to her. Meaning I can move on. And so can she. Thanks for advising that I bail, Crazy.
BEFORE when you wanted to preach at him that it was wrong and he was too young, it wasn't. He took advice and TRIED to work things out but after this: It was the correct thing to do. He did his best to try to talk to her but she insisted on being rude and not listening and not wanting to work anything out.
