Insults

What is the best insult you've ever heard? I'll start it off with one by Winston Churchill:

Churchill was once accused by Bessie Braddock of being drunk, the exchange went something along the lines of:
Bessie: “Winston, you are drunk.“
Winston: “My dear, you are ugly, but tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly.“

Insulting in Spanish is much more satisfying, especially when you combine phrases from different countries 😅😂

"You have a very small garden, madam."

From Pride and Prejudice.

Several of the exchanges from the Princess Bride have long been favorites. Being a lady, 🤣 I have never used those lines on anyone, but I have spat the occasional soda from laughing too hard!

"Everybody was right about you."

"Nothing brightens my day more than your absence."

"You're hard to ignore, but well worth the effort."

"I would roast you, but my mom said I’m not allowed to burn trash."

"You should have been a contortionist; not everyone can put their foot in their mouth while their head is lodged so firmly up their ass."

My coworker is Italian, and she just starts throwing random insults at you that make absolutely zero sense when translated to English.

which area of Italy? some are more flowery in their insults than others

My favourite, uttered by a high school history teacher to a friend of mine in front of the whole class after an argument
"If one put your brain inside a thimble, it would feel like a mouse in a cathedral"

other I use from time to time

"He swims in the shallow parts of the gene pool"

"Lights on, noone's home"

Ma'am, have you been to a beauty salon?

Why, yes. How could you tell?

You're uglier than normal.

Well, share some? :)

I'm currently reading a book by Charles Dickens, I'll post here if I come across a good insult there!

The reason I started this thread is because there's too many people using obscenities as insults. That's very unimaginative and crass. I'm looking for very inventive insults (or back-handed compliments) done by people, such as Winston Churchill) or your own. Have fun!

"You fight like a dairy farmer."

Can you please lose some weight so there's less of you to deal with?

I have dirt on you, but it's soiled by your touch.

I have a very similar view. Anyone can use profanity, some can use it much better than others, of course. So I fail to be shocked at the lack of insight or imagination displayed by some behind the keyboard of their video games. Wanna impress me? Say something off the cuff, clean, and on topic. Make me laugh so hard I can't type. Or worse, the irl people in the house with me just stare at me and ask "what now?!" and with that tone... because I am laughing so hard I'm crying and can't talk.

Impress me with your words, not with the fact that you know your 4 letter words. Speak to impress me, to convey your sincerity, your earnestly thought opinions and your very meaning.

This just cracked me up while reading some high fantasy (adventures, nobles, and monsters and such =P )

“Wow, those guards could probably battle an entire company, no… two companies… no, an entire battalion of squirrels if they fought under the right conditions.” Derek muttered in surprise.

A smug smile began to form on his escort’s face as Derek spoke, but his face soon turned ugly and his eyelid twitched when Derek mentioned the squirrels.

“What, don’t underestimate a battalion of squirrels. That’s how you lose your nuts.” Derek casually mentioned.

I like that one. Especially with the additional condition. xD

Here's a pretty cliché one from Dickens' first novel that might have been less cliché in 1837:

'Don't be impertinent to a gentleman, sir,' said Mr Smangle.
'Not on no account,' replied Sam. 'If you'll tell me wen he wakes, I'll be upon the wery best extra-super behaviour!'