I also decided to show my mother this thread. She's been staring at me awkwardly for about 3 days now.
"We begin the Tale of Caden on a cold and blustery night in July. Don't ask us why it was cold and blustery in July, maybe we started in the southern hemisphere by mistake..."
No no no... I'll start it. "On a clear, stormy knight, Caden was born. Except he wasn't, because it was during the day that he was born, we think. We don't really even know -if- he was born. We assume if he was it was by some kind of egg or parasitic alien-chest-burster scene... His father was a toaster and his mother was not a toaster. So he became half toaster and half not a toaster. One day, he was bitten by a radioactive phone and is now Toasterphone!" That's better.
Ok here it goes. I was just a norma dog walking down a city street when i almost got ran over by a bus. I leaped out of the way just in time, but i didnt realize i was landing in a sewer pipe. Down in the pipe i was bitten by a radioactive rat. Suddenly i felt my self changing and then i could walk and talk like human. So i was jumping on a trampoline one day when i jumped so high i landed in EMC where i inherited its weirdness.