The Aura

Discussion in 'Writers' Corner' started by Galantisizer, Aug 26, 2015.

  1. There once was a small, pitiful creature. Oh, but of course there was; there always is. This creature, however, was about to realize that life can be good -- and life can be bad. There always is. There always is.
    ..........The ferns were covered in dew. In the early morning light, eyes of young animals glistened. Knob-Fruit Trees grew sprouts, dropping them to the ground for a bird or deer to come pick up. A single drop of dew gathered into many as it slid down a huge leaf of the plant. It dropped onto Abarat's eyelid. He awoke with a start, scrambled up, grabbed his things, and ran about thirty feet away from where he was resting.
    ..........He was always on his toes, as he had much to protect himself from: Wolves, Dark Sprites, Orcs, and many other foul creatures. You could, perhaps, say that Abarat was a nomad. Not a Nomad, the species, but a nomad, as in "I am an indecisive creature and I want to leave", nomad. Abarat knew no other living beings, not counting the animals and monsters he encountered. It had been many years since he left his colony. Wait -- whats that? A sudden movement in the distance. And another one. Abarat turned an ran as fast as he could, which wasn't actually that fast at all. Either way, he evaded whatever was there. Just in case, he climbed he nearest tree. When he reached the top, however, he started to feel queasy. He fell down from the tree, and heard a small crack.
    .........."That would be your wrist," said something, from very close. Abarat, not caring, sat right up, leaning on his wrist.
    .........."Damn it," he exclaimed. "Where are you? Show yourself, coward!" There was only silence for a few, long, moments.
    .........."I have noticed that your only weapon is a bow and arrow, Abarat." Abarat was about to counter that, but he was cut off:
    .........."Do not attempt to lie, for I know all. And I guess that answers your question about how I knew your name. I also know all the contents or your bag. Do not bother hiding it," said the voice, .........."As hiding it would do nothing, and you have no idea where I am." Abarat was stuck on this one; of course he didn't! He couldn't even see the ruddy man, or even know where he was!
    .........."Well, at least tell me who you are," said Abarat, looking around with his bow in hand.
    .........."I am the Tree, fifth generation, five-hundred and twelve inside rings, and The Fifth."
    Abarat was pleased to at least know the name of the creature, but where the hell was it?
    .........."Where are you? And the fifth what?" Then, a blue mist surrounded the trees, and they disappeared, at least within the proximity of Abarat and the Tree, who was now visible.
    .........."I am The Fifth keeper of The Aura," said the Tree, and he sent out a golden light to Abarat's wrist, fully healing it with little to no pain.

    End Part 1
  2. All constructive criticism will be accepted. Thanks for taking the time to read this!
    Part Two coming soon.

    For some reason, the formatting went away. No indents! :confused:
    ShelLuser likes this.
  3. Bump. Any suggestions or "ratings" for part one?
  4. I like! But I showed as much with the like button.

    Ok, from one writer to another. First of all: be selfish. Yeah, that sounds strange, doesn't it? But I'm serious: only write stuff because you like doing that. Playing with the words, trying to get emotion across, touching maybe difficult or uncomfortable subjects (all within reason, especially on EMC!) and weave a story together. This is about you, not about us ;) Because honestly... its really a good feeling to know that others like(d) doing what you do or did. But as long as others (edit, stupid me): don't dislike it it should mostly be about you.

    The reason I say this should be obvious: sometimes it can take a while for people to notice (writers corner isn't exactly heavily used) and if you only write to get noticed then that could turn into a downer. While it shouldn't. Of course it becomes different when people dislike your story (been there,done that) ;)

    Ok, comments, constructive criticism.. the only thing I can come up with: some blank lines in between sections. That helps you read one section, then go on to the next. Also: don't forget about the edit button. Don't be afraid to edit your story and polish it a little. That only helps you. Sure: first impression and all, but if you're like me you'll re-read your story. And re-reading a polished up version might give you better / different new ideas than reading your old work.

    And on that subject: don't try to change an older story into something its not. You may learn new tricks as you go along, you may use different techniques. Don't ever try to apply them on your earlier work, because that will ruin it. If you keep this up you'll grow, your technique might change, your phrases become different, etc, etc. And it can be fun if that shows in your storyline.

    SO yah, my impressions. I'm a fan, looking forward to the next part!
    607, bloodra1n and Galantisizer like this.
  5. Thanks. I tried to indent, but for some reason I was not able to. :confused:
    I will add a symbol of some sort to divide the sections. Thanks for the feedback, and it is nice to know that I have a fan. :)
  6. Not sure if this caused it but: when writing and replying I suggest to always use the "More Options..." button below the edit box (lower right). It takes you into a full-page editor and it's my experience that it behaves a lot better than the (as I call it): "fast reply editor".

    Perhaps a tip?

    Xenforo (forum software) can be a little weird like that.
    Galantisizer likes this.
  7. For indenting, try pressing space 5 times. It tends to clear up your writing. If 5 is not enough, do preview, and then keep adding spaces until you believe that it is a suitable distance to indent.
    Galantisizer likes this.
  8. I did ten spaces. For some reason it did not work.

    Will do, thanks.
  9. Did you hit enter before you hit the spaces? Perhaps that'll work.
  10. Okay: I added dividers, broke up the huge paragraph, and "indented". Figure out what I did and get 5r. :p

    Edit: First person to find out what I did gets 5r. Keep it one guess per person, as to not clutter. ;)
    607 likes this.
  11. Quote reveals all. I'd have gone with _'s myself, but hey, whatever works right? Keep the 5r. :)

    Suggestion: unless the number is very strange and specific, it generally reads better writing it out in full. In this case, writing "thirty" would read better than "30." Kind of a nitpick, but something to keep in mind.
    Galantisizer, ShelLuser and 607 like this.
  12. Interesting!
    I'm eager to see what this gets into!
    Galantisizer likes this.
  13. Ahh, a reply from the greatest of the greats.

    Fixed numbers, and for part two I will use _'s. Thank you for you're input.

    Thank you. I will work on part two soon.
    ShelLuser and 607 like this.