[POEM] It Has Been A Long Time

Discussion in 'Writers' Corner' started by Illuminooty, Jun 30, 2015.

  1. I feel like before you read this, there should be some kind of warning. I'm not sure what to say about it really, I suppose it is a collection of depressing thoughts. I wrote this today. Read at your own risk. Give me your thoughts, without further ado, here is my poem, "It has been a long time".

    It has been a long time

    It has been a long day
    It has been a long time
    You have lost your way
    You aren't in your prime

    You don't feel happy
    You do feel sad
    Maybe you'll agree
    That you think you're going mad

    When you've lost the will
    And all that is close
    Your insides start to kill
    Defeated by your woes

    You don't know what to do
    You've traveled many a mile
    But for those who care for you
    You try and fake a smile

    You grit your teeth
    Smile on your face
    But on the underneath
    You know it has no place

    It has been a long day
    It has been a long time
    You try to find a way
    But it will be a long climb

    I'm not sure if it's any good, some of it doesn't feel that right, but perhaps I am being too self-critical, as always. Thanks for reading, please feel free to give constructive criticism.

  2. Well, I guess it's worth giving this a little bump. What are your thoughts on this writing?
  3. Please, give me your thoughts and ideas. Bumping again.

  4. It's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME.

    Hopefully someone gets the reference..

    Anyways, I like the poem :)
    iGTR likes this.
  5. That's really good. I like the repetition on the opening and close. I've dealt with depression time and time again, and this strikes home. There's two little sentences I read just earlier today on imgur (yes, I know, how original of me to copy someone else's words).

    One is "You are so brave and so quiet that I forget you are suffering," and the other is actually from along the lines of the OP. Similar to "Suddenly every song and every script written is about you". Link here

    I tend to take depression fairly seriously. My concern of others' well being goes from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds. Heck, I'm a counselor at a string camp (5-7th grade), one of my boys from 5th grade said to me "I'm depressed" with a smile on his face, and I hoped to god that he was joking. Because nobody deserves that state of mind.
    iGTR likes this.
  6. I haven't played Portal 2 before. Thank you for your feedback, Builder.
    Thank you for your feedback, Neon. I haven't wrote like this in a while but I felt I needed to. I went for an ABAB structure and tried to make it flow, and used the repetition to show more feeling. It's not a happy poem but it's one that some people relate to, it's kind of my way of showing people how other people sometimes think. Depression is not a fun thing and it doesn't go away easily, it's a constant battle. Your comment and lines are very strong, thank you again for your message, Neon.
  7. I'm not sure if anybody else wants to see this, but I'll bump it anyway.
  8. I was thinking Arkham Knight since the Joker keeps going on about how Batman killed him but then I remembered Portal 2 how glados kept going on about murder. I dunno which one it's from ;-;

    Good poem though! It has some pretty deep quotes
  9. Awesome poem! I agree with neonkillah, the repetition at the beginning and end sounds really good. Got any other poems?
    iGTR likes this.
  10. -
    Thank you for your feedback, Tech. I'm glad you like the style. I don't have any others, this is the first one, just an impromptu kind of thing I did to get some of my feelings out there.
    TechNinja_42 likes this.
  11. "Maybe I am being too self-critical..."


    That was a great poem. It all flowed together well, all the rhymes really worked, and it was just overall a great poem.
    iGTR likes this.
  12. I agree, great poem.
    iGTR likes this.
  13. I personally, Thought it was Quiet amazing, And you should do more Poems and things like this.
    iGTR likes this.
  14. Thank you all, I appreciate the kind words.
    KillaSpartan5 and eviltoade like this.