I feel like before you read this, there should be some kind of warning. I'm not sure what to say about it really, I suppose it is a collection of depressing thoughts. I wrote this today. Read at your own risk. Give me your thoughts, without further ado, here is my poem, "It has been a long time". It has been a long time It has been a long dayIt has been a long timeYou have lost your wayYou aren't in your prime You don't feel happyYou do feel sadMaybe you'll agreeThat you think you're going mad When you've lost the willAnd all that is closeYour insides start to killDefeated by your woes You don't know what to doYou've traveled many a mileBut for those who care for youYou try and fake a smile You grit your teethSmile on your faceBut on the underneathYou know it has no place It has been a long dayIt has been a long timeYou try to find a wayBut it will be a long climb I'm not sure if it's any good, some of it doesn't feel that right, but perhaps I am being too self-critical, as always. Thanks for reading, please feel free to give constructive criticism. Anon
It's you. It's been a long time. How have you been? I've been really busy being dead. You know, after you MURDERED ME. Hopefully someone gets the reference.. Anyways, I like the poem
That's really good. I like the repetition on the opening and close. I've dealt with depression time and time again, and this strikes home. There's two little sentences I read just earlier today on imgur (yes, I know, how original of me to copy someone else's words). One is "You are so brave and so quiet that I forget you are suffering," and the other is actually from along the lines of the OP. Similar to "Suddenly every song and every script written is about you". Link here I tend to take depression fairly seriously. My concern of others' well being goes from 0 to 60 in 3 seconds. Heck, I'm a counselor at a string camp (5-7th grade), one of my boys from 5th grade said to me "I'm depressed" with a smile on his face, and I hoped to god that he was joking. Because nobody deserves that state of mind.
I haven't played Portal 2 before. Thank you for your feedback, Builder. Thank you for your feedback, Neon. I haven't wrote like this in a while but I felt I needed to. I went for an ABAB structure and tried to make it flow, and used the repetition to show more feeling. It's not a happy poem but it's one that some people relate to, it's kind of my way of showing people how other people sometimes think. Depression is not a fun thing and it doesn't go away easily, it's a constant battle. Your comment and lines are very strong, thank you again for your message, Neon.
I was thinking Arkham Knight since the Joker keeps going on about how Batman killed him but then I remembered Portal 2 how glados kept going on about murder. I dunno which one it's from ;-; Good poem though! It has some pretty deep quotes
Awesome poem! I agree with neonkillah, the repetition at the beginning and end sounds really good. Got any other poems?
- Thank you for your feedback, Tech. I'm glad you like the style. I don't have any others, this is the first one, just an impromptu kind of thing I did to get some of my feelings out there.
"Maybe I am being too self-critical..." Yep. That was a great poem. It all flowed together well, all the rhymes really worked, and it was just overall a great poem.