My Other Self and Possibly.. Depression?

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by SuperVal_Junior, Nov 15, 2013.

  1. In the past few months, I've noticed my personality change. Not for the better but for the worse. I've noticed that during the night, my personality changes. During the day, I'm happy, carefree, more positive. But after the sun sets, my personality takes a 180 degree change. I become sadistic, mean, easily irritated, unsociable, more negative. And all these is affecting my decision making skills, how I think and perceive things, how I feel and act. I am well aware of what I'm doing, but since I think differently I will think that what I did moment in time was right, but the next day I will regret my decision. All of this is affecting my relationships.When I talk to people during the night, I might end up hurting them, then feel bad the next day. I keep on trying to distance myself from others, to prevent myself from hurting the people I care for. But it doesn't seem to work and I end up hurting myself and them at the same time. It's causing me to be angry and afraid of myself. It makes me frustrated and sad. I'm afraid of what I'll become in the future, and honestly I did thought of suicide once or twice. I'm not someone who likes to bother others with my own personal problems, hence, I never told anyone about my current situation. I also have trouble expressing my feelings. It's not that I don't want to tell anyone, it's just too hard to word it and I'm afraid they'll be afraid of me too. I need help, it's hard to live like this. It's been almost 2 years since I joined this community, and you guys are the most helpful people I've seen. So please help me, give me advice cause I can't carry on living like this.


    DemonThunder345 likes this.
  2. The most helpful advice anyone can give you here is to tell you to seek professional help. Best of luck :)
  3. Well said,

    And yes the whole EMC community wishes you luck. We are here for support

    SuperVal_Junior likes this.
  4. SuperVal I will tell you a story about my family. In 2009 my dad was flying to my ranch in a plane, 2 hours later, my dad dicided to go back to my home. They start the engine, all normal, but when the plane started going up, they noticed that there was a horrible tailwind, the plane fall to the ground, it started burning, my dad and his uncle scape from hell, after 7 minutes the plane exploded, killing 2 peoples( my nbreeds of dragons grow wings and some breeds haveani, and the pilot). My dad and his uncle rolled on the floor, they both survived. They where taken to the hospital, my dad was in intensive therapy, his uncle died before getting to the hospital. My dad survived and was in intensive therapy all the summer, it was the worst summer ever. Thnx to some that my dad survived, but something died when my dad was in the hospital, something inside me, my happiness, died, and my sadness aravied. Every day we go to that ranch, we always see the remains of the plane. And my brothers and I think, "what if my dad died there, what will happen to me and my family?".
  5. I did think about getting a psychologist or a counselor but I lack the time ,and possibly, money as I'm still a student..

    God bless you and your family
    607 and generalfelino015 like this.
  6. So... I am 38 years old and not a doctor, so my personal experience is only that.

    I have been struggling with this sort of thing for most of my life and it is exhausting emotionally. First off, you are not alone with this type of thing. Most people like us learn to hide it early on and even family and close friends are sometimes surprised at first.

    I could not do well in school or on any of the may jobs I took until I took steps to manage my condition. I won't say it is bipolar, but it sometimes comes out that way. My son is 10 and has similar problems and also some other members of my extended family. My father has severe epilepsy, so some of it is almost surely genentic.

    I spent years in therapy, have been recovering from drug addiction (self medication) for 13 years and have made a lot of horrible regrettable decisions when I wasn't thinking clearly.

    What I have learned. Don't stop pushing doctors of answers. It is better to take a break and collect myself before things get out of hand, school or work or everything will eventually get messed up anyway if I don't. I need more sleep than an average person and it sucks, but oh well. I take an antidepressant that helps moderate my mood, and sometimes it isn't so great, but the overall outcomes in my life are noticeably better, so it's worth it for me. I find people I can trust and understand my condition and give them permission to alert me when I don't seem to be acting right. My son started taking medication after his angry outbursts.

    More later...
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  7. Try to get professional help. Do you have any... fears? Night often brings out the worst fears in people, making them think that anything could be lurking on the streets. And that survival instinct might make some people grumpy and irritable. Does that sound like you? If so, maybe try to think if you are having any specific fears or nervousness and then try to control that.
    SuperVal_Junior likes this.
  8. Hey SuperVal_Junior,

    sorry to hear you are not doing well.
    I totally agree with AlexChance. This is not something to mess around with and the faster you solve it the better.
    It also depends on how long you are in this state already and how often it reoccurs. I mean, everybody has his ups and downs that's normal. But if it is over extended periods of time (several month) or reoccurs over and over again, you should see a specialist.

    But besides that, I think, there is some stuff you can do on your own. In general, a healthy life style cheers you up and makes you more balanced. Get some fresh veggies, stay away from fast food and too much sugar (sodas, energy drinks). Get some exercise! You can release a lot of pressure and sorrows during sports. Also, if you focus on stuff like this your mind is occupied with something useful. I know it is difficult to get motivated in such a situation, but maybe you can try.
    Maybe you want to write a diary, too. It helps being conscious about things and let's you reflect on what's actually going on.

    I hope that helps and that you are feeling better soon.
    Good luck
    SuperVal_Junior likes this.
  9. Oi, Get the professional help mate, I too am seeing a therapist now to get myself back on the track to a better future. It will help you, tell them what you can, slowly you'll start becoming more comfortable and they will be able to help you.
    SuperVal_Junior likes this.
  10. It reoccurs every night. I do play sports, baseball and badminton but with everything that has been happening, I don't play often.
    Plus, due to my situation, out of anger and frustration, I punched the wall and injured my hand..
  11. I would go to someone who i can really trust like a parent or a REALY good friend that you can trust, and just tell them about what's going on.
    Best of Luck,
    607 and SuperVal_Junior like this.
  12. Ok, be careful not hurting yourself ;) So maybe it is necessary to throw some structure in there and do your sports at least once or twice a week, like every Monday and Wednesday. If you manage to keep this up for a month you'll feel much better about that part at least, I am sure. Going to training every now and then is frustrating, I totally agree.

    I am not a doctor but as far as I know, mood swings with that high frequency are fairly quick. Try to estimate for yourself, with your diary and/or a professional how big the swings actually are. This way you'll get know yourself a bit better.
  13. I am trying to do that. But I'm concerned about how they would think about me and how they would react.

    It's fairly quick, it happens in seconds and my whole personality changes.
  14. I'm the same way :/ What I do is just kinda take a step back and do something to get my mind of anything and everything. I normally read or go for a run. I suffered depression for the last 3 or 4 years and I'm just now pulling myself out of the hole. Find a friend you can talk to about everything. Whenever you're feeling bad they can normally talk to you about it and you calm down most of the time. I'm very quiet in real life but I've found people on EMC to help me and I talk to a lot. You're more then welcome to come and talk to me, I'm not the oldest or wisest person around but I'll listen and try to help. Also; As others have said try to seek professional help. It seems silly at first but it really does help.
    SuperVal_Junior likes this.
  15. I'm really really really socially awkward in real life. Just like you I don't talk much either. I'll get on one day when I feel like it and talk to you. Thanks
    hashhog3000 likes this.
  16. Have you tried going to sleep earlier? You may be suffering from sleep deprivation, or you could just avoid the depression entirely.
    Choongjae and hashhog3000 like this.
  17. We're here for you!
    ;3 I don't know my personality all that well. But I did find certain things like tea or just a blanket keep my from being jittery; why couldn't it work for other feelings as well!
    SuperVal_Junior likes this.
  18. Some ppl have an abnormal absortion rate of vitamin D (from the sun). And in some cases they get the "symptoms" you explain as the sun sets, but they also get the sense of beeing very tired also. So, do you feel extra tired when these moodswings occur? The "cure for this is pretty easy tho, just need to take vitamin d suppliments. (normaly a person only needs 10% of the needed vitamin D from food etc)
    SuperVal_Junior likes this.

  19. I don't sleep early cause my other self keeps me up. But when I do, I sleep a lot, 10- 12 hours, sometimes even 13.

    I don't feel extremely tired at all. There's no big change to my energy level when this occurs.

    I tried taking up hobbies, writing, reading, collecting stamps, drawing. I do drink tea ever so often but when all this happened, I seemed to lose motivation for everything.
  20. Sent you a message mate.
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