EMC Bakruptcy Layer Service

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by 7ChickenStrips, Oct 8, 2016.

  1. Debt out of the roof? Bills keep stacking up?
    Call us at 1800SalMan and we'll stop those pesky debt collectors and staff from harassing you! We have the most experienced lawyers across EMC. Some of our specialties include helping you conduct successful tax evasion, ponzi schemes, embezzlement, and other financial frauds! Contact us now!
  2. Um...yeah...this is fake right?
    607 likes this.
  3. We'll make it fake for you! All dealings are handled with utmost discretion!
  4. Going on the assumption this is serious:

    Everything you are talking about is not really allowed on EMC... So... there's that...
  5. Our lawyers are the best in the business! Every loophole in existence is in our knowledge, and if need be to transgress, we can negotiate bribery. Our success rate is 100%!
  6. OK, definitely trolling.
  7. I'm going to call that number and see what happens.
    607, JDHallows, Sgt_Pepper4 and 2 others like this.
  8. Post here what happens
  9. We killed him is what happened, hence why he didn't post back. Sorry folks
  10. Rip
    ChrisFlareon likes this.
  11. Just what I have been waiting for!

    So I have this "friend" who gets constantly harassed by their main who makes them hand over all the diamonds, emeralds and other stuff which they got from voting. Voting gear is left alone, everything else gets confiscated :(

    Is there anything you guys can do for me, I mean my friend? :D My friend would like to remain anonymous if possible because his main is said to be well known around these places, so I'd like to avoid any scandals and such :cool:
    607, khixan, Lordess_Spartan and 4 others like this.
  12. Can we also hire you as goons, minions, I mean the muscle, I mean henchmen, err um... Debt Collectors.... yeah! That's the legit word: Debt Collector.
    GRIPCEO and JDHallows like this.
  13. *cough signature cough*
  14. What's going on here?
  15. Moved Thread to Miscellaneous: Not a real Service
    As for my post:
    I would call, but I believe that my phones are bugged. Since this seems like a secure area, I guess I will put this here. I apologize beforehand for any spelling errors or such, but I am writing this in a hurry. I need your help, badly. I guess I should start from the beginning…

    So it was late at night, and I had been doing staff things all day. Being a moderator in training, I get a lot of the low profile reports. Usually they are pretty easy, some just being turned down due to not being a serious issue, some being put on a pile for more investigation later, and the few that I am working on. It can be boring work, but I have enjoyed it so far.

    However, this past Monday I got a strange report. One of the other staff members passed it to me (we will call them “Toade” as a nickname, since I don’t want to use real names here), saying it was low profile, and should be a quick one for me to work on. I placed it on the “Work on later” pile, but Toade noticed and said, “You should work on that now, get it finished and filed away. I would like for it to be closed quickly.”

    Now I knew this was odd, but I did not think much of it at the time. Who am I to question what a higher staff member tells me to do? So I took the report and began to work on it.

    It seemed to be another quick case, just like the others, but something seemed different. After spending 10 minutes looking and searching, investigating the different possibilities and scenarios I was trained for, I began to notice a pattern forming. I will discuss the specifics more during a face-to-face meeting, since I don’t trust this completely either, but suffice it to say that somebody was tampering with the evidence.

    Wait, I hear something… Somebody is here.

    I will write again as soon as I can, but I need to move again. Hopefully I will be able to stop again long enough to finish this, but I have been constantly on the move for the past 24 hours. If I don’t contact you again within the next 24 hours, assume the worst and distance yourself from this as much as possible.


    Note: This is not a true story, so don't start believing there are conspiracy theories for EMC staff :p This is purely for fun! :D
  16. Well, turns out we need one more number for it to actually be call-able. .-.
    Theomglover_ likes this.
  17. does the number 21 work? knowing Sal it would make sense :p
    Salmatic likes this.
  18. Our phone system automatically filters out potential rats - We apologize for any inconvenience!
    GRIPCEO likes this.
  19. Divulging company secrets?