Condolence Letter: Everyone

Discussion in 'General Minecraft Discussion' started by Elite, Sep 19, 2012.

  1. First of all - please visit this link HERE

    You might have heard me say some of these things already today ... but i'm just going to tell you a bit about myself that you do know and then what you don't know ...

    First ) Before i spill ... I once again just want everyone to know how truly sorry I am .... What might seem like a friendly joke to me or normal conversation to me ... it's been hurting other people and it wasn't taken as jokes to them ... therefore I am banned ... but the rest of this isn't about me getting banned, it's about me period and why i've been acting ... 'i guess you could say strangely'

    Things you may know) I am WCG_Elite ... Eklektoi ... or some may call me Caleb
    • I am a male
    • I turned 18 last week
    • I am ... i guess you'd call me homosexual but i tend to joke around alot ... so i might still be bi
    • I play xbox my gt (Bi Swag)
    • I used to perform in acting (few hundred stage performances, 3 shows, 2 movies, and 1 short film)
    Things you may NOT know) I have never dated anyone ...

    • I honestly have almost no friends outside my friends on EMC (sad but true)
    • I have a 4.0 and graduated high school the same time i got through half of four year college
    • I DO have a crush ... and yes he is on EMC as well
    • I have made 4 pc games (3 for simulation gaming competitions) 1 just for fun :p
    • I write piano sheet music
    • and last one ... NO, I was not born here in the United States ... I came from Vicenza Veneto, Italy
    The reason i'm telling you this is to tell you what happened recently - maybe why i've been always acting bipolarish sometimes ... i guess you could call me schizophrenic now .... i can't sleep anymore, i have alot of social withrawls, i'm lacking on taking care of my appearance and hygiene (except showering, i'm still partially metro) ...
    and lastly ... is doing and saying things without thinking ... Doing things - i have been abused as a small child on up and know what discipline is ... so when i do things unknowingly i guess you could say that i still know what is right and wrong ... However, when i say things .... i've never really had many friends at school growing up ... and was bullied quite often ... then when i finally had a few, my father would never let me stay over at any friends or my cousins houses ... so i never had any social interaction .... then now when i am around people i don't know what to say, i just say what's on my mind and don't even know how to react properly alot of times ... (acting is an exception ... i've only took up acting for past 3 years, and i somehow can do things and it flow so smoothly... but everytime after rehearsals or shows, the people in audience or other actors, i didn't know how to talk to them, and sometimes i just sounded stupid lol) ...
    ...on emc i have made and lost friends off and on ... as of right now i have 2 best friends Juliana (orcusx) and Matheus (ItsMeMatheus) ... even though i have alot of other close friends that i might could give the same label to ... like Pmaz8, or shade, or samraw .... but those two are my closest (no offence to anyone else) ... but this goes along with my story, so just bare with me
    I used to be suicidal past few months ever since i stopped going to church when they told me no gays were welcome and i got upset ... all my friends at school stopped hanging with me, and same with people on xbox ... so i found emc and came here
    ... skip forward to past few days .... Most the time in the evening i get a bit sulky cause moms never here and dads always at work ... and i have no one to talk to ... but when matheus and i are playing minecraft and we go and play or talk on skype ... i am content and dont feel so alone ... or off of emc i will talk to juliana on facebook and i will be happy as can be ... however when it comes to around to 2-3 in the morning ... where i can't sleep from my insomnia episodes ... i'll start getting lonely again ... and get sulky ... and if it gets bad enough ... i might even start crying in the middle of the night cause i'm so alone and don't because i don't have a boyfriend
    when i wake up ... if i have a friend to talk to, my day instantly become lightened up and i can have a good day all over again ... but if i can't find someone to talk to ... i start out the day a bit grumpy ... and maybe unknowingly snap at players in a joking manner instead of staying normal ...
    I had something else i wanted to say, but can't think of it right now ... so that is all i can type as of now ... but if anyone has a comment, or suggestion, or a thought on what they think of me ... please don't hesitate :D
    thanks for reading
    PenguinDJ, Nole972, louiskw and 11 others like this.
  2. To much reading **Brain Explodes**
    Cchiarell6914 and hayjam like this.
  3. Dude, you sound like a really intelligent, honest great guy. No need to say sorry at all, life has thrown you a major curve ball and its not your fault. I hope you get through this tough time, I too was bullied at school, but the main thing you have to do is not let it get to you. Use it to build you as a person and you will be better for it!

    I wish you all the best with what ever you do, if you ever need to talk, im just a PM away! :)

    Remember the world is your oyster, just shuck it!

    *edit I forgive you for going to ICC about the purple chat :) I see the photos of it on photobucket. I should have told you straight up how to do it. So sorry :)
  4. No need to be sorry :)
  5. If you genuinely believe that you may have schizophrenia or bi-polar condition (previously known as manic depression), I suggest you see your doctor asap. There is a great deal which can be medically done these days to alleviate these conditions (certainly in the UK, so I presume also in America) allowing you to lead a more stable and rewarding life.
  6. First of all, I agree with all the comments here, you do not need to be sorry and you are a very special young man. Secondly, I don't know what church you were going to but you need to find one that loves as Jesus loves. He accepts you no matter what and they should too. I am sorry to hear that they did that to you.
    Third, and most important to me, is your health. As a nurse and a mother I want you to get help. You can walk into any place that has a clinic and tell them what's wrong and they will lead you to the right help if they are not it.
    You do not have to suffer like this! Love yourself enough to just do it! I will change your life :)
    May you find peace young man... :)
  7. You shouldn't feel sorry, :) Lots of people may be going through some of the same things you're going through. :) There's always people who aren't going to like you for you, and ya gotta ignore them. There's people here on EMC that are already your friends or waiting to be, so you shouldn't feel alone...
    I know that when you have a hard time you have that feeling to end your life, but you just got to keep moving. Committing suicide isn't worth it, know one really knows how painful death can be emotionally, its not an ideal solution to life's problems...
    You shouldn't let people make you feel bad for being a homosexual, lots of people don't like it cause its against their religion, but there is lots of people who are pro-gay too! :) You can love whoever you wanna love, I wont judge :) Neither will a lot of others!
    When there's someone you like, don't be afraid to ask if they feel the same!
    Don't worry, friend, life will always get better! :)
    Nole972 and Jeanzl2000 like this.
  8. So cute that im you're crush! Joking :p
    Jeanzl2000 and WCG_Elite like this.
  9. There you go Wobbie! You tell him!

    In agreement with Wobbie, you are going through a ruff spot on this long road and you need to ride it out. You really should go see a doctor of some sort and figure what is going on. Now I do hope that everything works out alright and I do not usually type long stuff so this is about the end of the road for me.
    Cchiarell6914, Nole972 and Jeanzl2000 like this.
  10. Like everyone has said before, you don't have to be sorry for being you.
    There will be people on this earth who'll judge you, but there will be 10x more people who'll like/love you for who you are. I've had plenty of homosexual/BI friends and when ever someone hates them, I give them a piece of my mind and they preety much wish they never even said anything about my friends.
    Also, I know what it's like to be left out 'cause you're different {I'm Mexican and WOAH! Lot of critism x.x} but don't let that stop you from being happy. To me, being different is so unque, there's a reason why God has made all his sons and daughters different because he has a plan for our futures.
    You seem like a really nice person, and I would hate for someone as nice as you to take their own life. {Thought about it myself a few times aswell... More recent when he broke up with me.} So please; speak to someone about this before it's too late. It may seem sorta weird -CoughcreepyCough- coming from a stranger, but I'm really sympathetic towards people that I know and don't know. ;w;

    I know that things'll be better for you in the future 'Cause, like I've said before; God has a plan for everyone.
    So... Yah. Sorry for the long post but I just had to put that out there. ^^;
    If you want, just send a PM when you feel like it.
    I wish you luck, and everyone on EMC is here to help in anyway they can!
  11. Yes Caleb, we have butt heads lately, and I know you are sorry deep down. Inside you
    Cchiarell6914 and WCG_Elite like this.
  12. Sorry for taking so long to read these ... I made me some pancakes a few minutes ago >_<
    Then I went to set outside for a few minutes and get warm a bit :p
    Colin, you should know me by now ... everytime someone says something ... I am a jokester ... and make alot of sarcastic remarks ... but guess I should just maybe say it to myself or something and stay out, cause all it's causing is more problems for everyone ... I don't mean to cause trouble, I just literally have a big mouth lol.

    To you three, I really appreciate the support ... I lately am trying to get better (for instance: last night i actually didn't cry or get upset ... I just went to sleep at almost 4 and got up at 1)
    Also, lately when I think of suicide, or how void my life is (having no boyfriend too) ... I just literally try shaking my head ... slow down, take a deep breathe ... and bring up a site with some optimism on it like youtube and listen to music...
    About seeing a doctor, yes i know it would help, but i have some consequences to ... i'm not THAT old ... so i still live with my parents ... I have no means to support myself very much yet - and if dad found out i was gay ... i would be kicked out for sure(he once told me, he said (and i quote) 'Caleb, I swear ... if you ever turn out gay ... It would be better if you weren't born .... I never raised a daughter ... and I sure ain't having a f&*()^t in the house' ... then last year when i stopped going to church (one of the main reasons) ... my father held an anti gay speech at church ... and i kept having to try my hardest to keep from crying
    ---------Thanks for the support guys, I really appreciate people liking me enough to read my posts ... Hopefully, I can play with you guys again, that would be swell ... :D

    (p.s , HighBuddy ... you know it ;) ... lol jk haha)
    Cchiarell6914 and Nole972 like this.
  13. This is hugely open and honest of you. I have real respect for that.
    Cchiarell6914 likes this.
  14. You shouldn't be sorry, like everyone has said already. We forgive you :)
    Cchiarell6914 likes this.
  15. Not to be mean or anything your dad is a total jerk(I would enjoy to use other words other than jerk) it is wrong that he cant accept that you are how you are.
    Cchiarell6914 and Jeanzl2000 like this.
  16. Oh My Gosh You've gone through so much.
    There is No Word to describe what you have gone through but you just have to keep going and keep getting better.
    God Created us all. You are No Exception. There is a reason why you are alive. One Day I know you will surpass that reason.
    My Best of luck to you
    - Jeanzl2000

    No Offense but your dad sounds mean
    What movies and tv shows?
  17. Well, if anyone ever makes fun of you for being gay/bi, say this, "We might not be able to pick if we like d***, but you can sure pick to act like one."
  18. Great, now when I get to this late I sound like I'm just echoing everyone else.

    Don't be sorry. You're a great guy and you've been a great friend over the past few months. Really.
    I could say tons more but it's already been said. Feel free to come talk to any of us if you need help.
    Cchiarell6914 likes this.
  19. Hey, hey, hey. Now you know how I feel.

    But Secret's right. We're here for you!
  20. Shows - This is a two part thing ... We have a local group called Mountain Youth Drama ... and each new year we will go perform for different schools - like a drug prevention group ... also we if we don't perform for school's we will have tv crews record us and we will be on live tv

    Short Film - I was the 'first person' view victom guy in a 'no texting while driving film' ... i was texting walking to my car from school (i had no car but borrowed one) ... and was walking in the parking lot ... The other person was in her car texting and was watching where she was driving ... and she hit me with the car and I died ... and she got out bent over me, freaked out and started crying ... then after that film it showed a graveyard film with her and 'my friends' at the grave crying over me (seems long, but it was a very fast video actually - kindof like the all state commercials almost)

    Movies - I have played Morris Schwarttzenegar (a music producer) in time and time again - music film
    I have played Reginald Harris (Detective) in Cafe Murdér - a comedy thriller
    I have played Finley Schwantz - (A lunitic husband) - Comedy Character Series
    I also played a series of aesop fable character - in a group of short performances (mainly i was king or narrator lol)


    Everyone else - i'm sorry for replying late, I've been on eklektoi and haven't signed in with wcg ... but i really appreciate how so many people care for me, it means so much :) so thanks :D
    Cchiarell6914 and Jeanzl2000 like this.