Well, I was very tired from the two days before and the past day, but I was trying my best to do my maths anyway. Then at some point I had to take a break, and I stopped for a little. One of the teachers came up to me and explained I should continue because it'd help me with bla bla bla, comparing it to sports and everything, so I figured I'd try, but seconds after she left I stopped again, as I was simply exhausted.
Then minutes later _another_ teacher came up to me, making the witty remark "Have you finished the entire book?" "No." "Then why won't you work?" I tried to say I couldn't anymore and I don't remember what she replied but even when reinstating my claim she did not seem to believe me.
At this point it was too much for me and I couldn't keep all the tension and experiences and emotions of the entire day inside anymore, so I started to cry.
Lanata and another girl tried to comfort me and soon like six people were standing around me, and the teacher was like "Well, what am I supposed to do now??..." :P
When the class was over I got up, hugged with Lanata for a while, and then noticed that the students for the next class had already taken their seats and were looking at me like "What's going on here?!?.."
So outside of the room I started to cry more again and leaned against the wall, with another friend asking me what I was crying about, and I said something like "If I can't even normally complete three high school days, how am I ever supposed to do university?!?"
I was quite upset but my friends tried to make me feel at ease again by saying it would be alright and such...
At some point Lanata was talking to me directly about some things and I looked at her and said "I'm not hearing what you're saying, but you look [lief, there's no English word that captures the right meaning I feel like]".
She replied "I'll just keep on talking and you'll just hear my voice."
<3
Born_ego then came our way and most people realised they should head to their class, but Lanata and another girl went with me to go outside, as they really thought I should go home. We stood outside for a while, the weather was nice, and I calmed down while we were talking and hugging and stuff.
Eventually, 15 minutes after the lesson had started, Lanata and the other girl (don't have an international/semi-anonymous nickname for her unfortunately) went back inside to go to class and we said goodbye.
I cycled home and then resumed talking to Lanata using Hangouts, luckily we (well, 'we', I obviously wasn't, but I was supposed to be :P) were in English class, where we don't have any books or notebooks so are supposed to do everything on our iPads, so I could talk to Lanata without the teacher calling her out. ;)
The rest of my day was pretty good, I had a shower and stuff and actually feel decent now.
I'm very, very tired, but I feel at peace and have a positive outlook due to my very dear friends.
My mentor (who was giving the English class) came to visit me later that afternoon, and we'll discuss ways to make the school week manageable for me next week.
So yeah, it's going to be alright, probably, I wish I'd be able to experience normal school days like most people, but alas, I can't change anything about that.
And hey, I think I should really place my well-being above how I'm doing at school.
Plus, if I'm as exhausted as I was at the end of today, it really doesn't help much to stay at school as I'm not able to learn or do much anyway. :P
Wow, I just spent 20 minutes writing quite a personal story publicly on my profile page, in English even. :P
I even shortened it a lot, this wasn't all. ;)
But perhaps it's good I typed it out, it might help me process some stuff.
yay, now I can answer! :P the fact that it took you 20 minutes tells that you are indeed tired... :P lol just kidding :P but yeah, thanks for sharing! :) Good to hear that in the end it didn't turn out too bad.
About the maths; if this'd happen a second time (in whatever class), just tell the teacher something along the lines of "sorry ik kan nu ff echt niet meer, te moe, ik maak de rest thuis wel, don't worry" (in English: <can't be bothered to translate, lol>).
Sounds like you've got some nice (especially female) people in your class, that's always a good thing. :) My class is kinda useless on that aspect, lol.
It's good you could discuss things to hopefully make it better for you, next/coming weeks. :)
I do have one question, though; if you know, what makes you so tired?
I've got some nice male friends, too, but girls are often better at handling emotional stuff :P
One of the guys came up to me and tried to put things into perspective by showing what he did the past hour: een hele pagina vol pennengekras :P (I don't care too much about speaking English anymore either, the only non-Dutch-speaking person I'd see caring about this is Jamie)
Okay, never mind, I can't do this in English as of yet, there are too many words I can't think of and Tom's Dutch anyway, so here we go.
Over de moeheid: misschien merk je 't niet zo als je er geen last van hebt, maar vrijwel alle prikkels die je binnenkrijgt kosten energie. En op school zijn over het algemeen heel veel prikkels.
Geluid van pratende leerlingen, soms een heel kabaal van vijf of meer tegelijk geluid producerende mensen dat tot een uur kan aanhouden; sociale interactie; leswisselingen; pauzes, leuk maar ook intensief omdat ze niet structureel zijn en weer vaak met veel geluid en sociale interactie; natuurlijk het opletten en schoolwerk maken zelf, en nog veel meer.
De meeste mensen merken hier niet zo veel van omdat ze 't allemaal relatief goed kunnen verwerken zolang 't niet al te mal wordt. Ik ben echter erg gevoelig en daardoor kost alles veel meer bij mij.
Ik kom zo weinig mogelijk in de aula, verschrikkelijk daar. Zó veel pratende mensen tegelijk, en elke afzonderlijke stem kost me energie, zelfs als ze niet voor mij bedoeld zijn. De aula omzeilen is dus een goede energiebesparing.
Het zou mooi zijn als we meer van die energiebesparingen zouden kunnen vinden, zodat ik met wat aanpassingen gewoon mee kan doen op school.
Yeah, that would've been a good way to handle it, but my mentor will probably also make sure the teachers know me a little beforehand from now on, so they will know that a treatment like that doesn't work for me.
All in all, though, I don't regret letting it out and cry.
I mean, it might've been slightly awkward to other students but that shouldn't be a big deal, and I felt much, much better afterwards, because my friends helped me so greatly.
If I would've kept going I probably would've 'collapsed' at home, and then I would've been 'alone'. (Yeah, sorry, but friends are much more of a help to me than family, especially at this age)
Now, though, I was with these amazing people and they helped me through it and made me feel positive again.
And really, crying can really help. I'm not sure what the science behind it is, but it does something that makes everything feel cleared up afterwards I feel like.
definitely sounds like exhaustion and wow insensitive remark of the second teacher. Hope you get enough rest in the evening. Is it poddible for you to go outside during breaks where its quiter or in empty classrooms? So glad you have you supportive friends! Love lief <3
Ahh, I see, inderdaad, als je er over nadenkt zijn er inderdaad ontzettend veel prikkels overal altijd op school, en zelf heb ik daar gelukkig over het algemeen niet al te veel last van, maar ik kan zeker begrijpen dat anderen (e.g. jij) daar meer last van hebben.
Wel fijn dat je in een klas/buurt van mensjes op school zit die je ermee willen helpen. :)
Sorry to hear you had a rough day... hopefully life will begin to treat you better. It sounds like you are in good hands however. You have a great group of friends.
Also, I have to say that it was fun to see you write all that in Dutch, even if I couldn't pronounce three quarters of those words. Hope you feel better! ^-^
Comments on Profile Post by 607