[Writing] The Crow's Aim

Discussion in 'Writers' Corner' started by AliceTheFox, Jun 21, 2015.

  1. (Story sounded too plain...)

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    "Take that stupid mast off Rook" said a familiar voice.
    "Go away Jet, I don't need your input right now" I replied in a gruff, annoyed voice, "You shouldn't even be here anyway. This isn't your place" I paused for a moment, watching my ally carefully. He scaled my tree, making it scream at the extra weight. I slammed my oak bow into the pained tree, in a simple attempt to keep my balance... "Jeralt!" I used his full name to express my annoyance "I don't want you to be here" I shouted, causing my voice to echo under the mask.
    "Well hey nobody else wants me near them either" he purred, securing himself next to me, despite Mother Nature roaring beneath him. I tapped him with my bow, just hard enough to unbalance him, but I was sourly unimpressed by the results "Whiskered freak, always landing on your feet" I spat at him, frustrated by his eager attempts to ruin my day "I'm not even mildly surprised nobody wants you around" I felt a crow land on my hooded head, warding Jeralt off.
    "You aren't exactly the most normal person either, are you?" he shot back at me, scrambling back up the tree "With your crows and that creepy mask" he hissed, "You aren't exactly a prince charming if you ask me" he replaced himself on a higher branch than before, knowing that I can't go that high. He curled himself around the thick trunk, making me flinch as his claws marked the old oak, "Jet." I said bluntly, "Can you not" I sighed, giving up.
    "What?" He was like the Cheshire Cat, but with dark flawless fur... And slightly more human.... "I'm not doing anything" I felt him land next to me, with little consideration for my own balance or comfort, he knocked me off.

    "Fine have it!" I shouted up at him, causing a murder of crows to land on and around me, "I've had just about enough of your pathetic taunting"
    "Actually" the voice rang behind me, followed by an equally familiar crunching noise. I didn't stop walking as he scaled my body and made himself at home on my shoulders, "I think I prefer to stay here"


    Feedback very much appreciated, just a quick thing for practice ^^
    I might start writing more, drawing is really starting to take over my life ....

    The picture at the top is Rook from Strife, I adore his design and play style *w*

    -This was supposed to post last night, but I ran out of time...
    Kephras, ShelLuser and southpark347 like this.
  2. Would make a interesting Anime if you were to ever animate it into that. I like the tone of emotions in the world ( I may have added that bit in myself ) and would love to read more about how it goes! :)
    AliceF3 likes this.
  3. I certainly wouldn't mind a bit more context. I like what I'm reading, but not really sure what is going on.
    ww2fan168 likes this.
  4. I got the same reaction
  5. I should have definitely planned a little more. I had a picture in my head, but it was a challenge to write it out. I noticed all the things wrong when I read it out after posting, which is why I didn't bother bumping this thread :p
    I think I might end up animating it like South suggested though, which would solve the problem