Jeez... This started out decent and spiraled into a crap storm.. Good start Mrlegitislegit. It is not a fully fleshed story, but that is not what you tried to do and there is nothing wrong with that. I am intrigued, you have succeeded there. Now lets get this story fleshed out more so that I can follow the story of "The Build wars." I look forward to this. I like the fanfiction that has begun to spring up on the forums. I know you are not a distinguished author, you are writing stories on a forum... So, I am not going to be harsh. Keep putting forth the effort. You are doing fine within your skill limit. Please take criticism with a grain of salt and anything that irks you, just report it and don't reply.. This thread needs some major clean up to get rid of the dizzying spam flow....
You are doing just fine. I don't expect you to produce stories to rival Shakespeare.. I have realistic expectations. However, you only get better with practice and determination. You will have to accept positive and negative criticism, as long as it is constructive... (Do it like the Army AAR [After Action Review]... provide 3 improve and 3 sustain comments.) No one has to put up with any mistreatment from others, especially here in EMC. It will be dealt with properly.
I can build a obsidian battleship With four triple-barrel tnt cannon. And blow roblox out of minecraft (on creative lol. I dont have that much resource here)
Deleted most posts that were spam and didnt contain anything to do with mrlegitislegit story/feedback. It is actually readable now
I have 3 suggestions at this point: Break up your paragraphs. They're too large, and lack focus because of it. Complete grammar overhaul. Punctuation and sentence flow need work. If this is a weak point of yours, perhaps someone with more time than me would volunteer to edit it for you. Use more military jargon. Since you're telling this story from a soldier's POV, this would add to the feel of it. Consider replacing 3:00AM with 0300 hours. Can you clarify what this is for? Is this just for fun, or is it a class assignment? Also, to make this easier on people working with you on this, consider doing major edits, then posting a summary of what you edited (grammar revision, added content, ect.)
Awesome story so far, Mr Legit. It makes me want to write my idea of a "Zombie survival" MC fanfic idea. I saw two wording errors, as follows: Forgive my grammar Naziism. x_x It's a good story, I hope to see more of this. Really inspiring. I wanna do my own now. x:
We should invade roblox with tnt lol And i guess roblox bullet cant get through diamond armor lolol We have the strongest material XD
