Part of a story? Chapter 1

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by ShaneKas, Mar 19, 2015.


Would you like the story to continue?

Yes :D 4 vote(s) 100.0%
NO :( 0 vote(s) 0.0%
  1. Well, I have recently entered a writing competition at my school. The story below is a modified version of my actual essay, with a bunch of staff names replacing the regular names. ;) If you like the story, want to suggest what happens next, or want to suggest a title for the story, plz tell me below. Hopefully yall will like it! :D

    The clock was ticking. It was two hours, the estimated time from GISC, until the space pirates attacked the fleet. There was nothing on the command bridge except him and the beeping noises of buttons. The dials were secure and safely fastened. He viewed all the security cameras for the hourly security, checking for fast movements. Suddenly his assistant commander, Kryssy, came rushing though the retractable doors. “Aikar, our spies from the Galatic International Space Center reported that the pirates are in sector 6!” she said. He responded. “What? Kryssy, get all fighters prepared for launch and sound the alarm! This is a red-alert!”

    He was totally unaware that the pirates came so soon. Everyone in the hangar bay was scrambling for thier gear, tools and drones for thier ships. As the hangar started opening, the oxygen panels turned on and the repair drones were the first to leave. The process of the ships was very slow. First, he had to do a roll-call for each squadron. Next, each ship needed its proper fuel and ammo. Finally, after the confusion and chaos, he was finally finished. However, as soon as he was seated in his DestroyerX-13, the attack already started.
  2. I see one major error you should fix if you would like to know (and if you could fix it and re-submit it). :)
    Otherwise, it is a great story. :D I would like to see more!