Don't you hate it when...

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous' started by zervados, Apr 13, 2014.

  1. Don't you hate it when sentences don't end the way you octopus?

    "Open the door, this is the police!"
    "No, you're gonna yell at me!"

    I like to animistic big words into my sentences, even if I do not know what they mean.

    What did the lion say to the Octopus?
    Nothing, lion's can't speak. And even if they did, the chances of one ever encountering an octopus are very slim.

    A man walks into a bar, he says "Ouch"

    Why did the chicken cross the road?
    It didn't, the chicken got hit by the car.

    "So tell me doc, how long do I have left to live?"
    "5 days?"
    "5 days to live the rest of my life? That sounds horrible!"
    "Whoops, excuse my bad eyesight. The paper says 5 minutes."

    So 2 muffins were in an oven. The first muffin said "It is hot in here!".
    "Ahh, a talking muffin!" exclaimed the second muffin.

    What did the toilet say to the sink?
    Nothing, inanimate objects cannot talk.

    What is the difference between a Potato and a Tomato?
    They are both red except for one.

    When life gives you: High Fructose Corn Syrup,Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid,Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Phosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Fumarate, Yellow 5, Tocopherol, and less than 2% natural flavors, you make lemonade.

    When life gives you Melons, you are most likely Dyslexic.

    So Hitler, Obama, and George Washington walk into a bar.
    Obama starts freaking out over the fact that 2 dead bodies walked into a bar.

    You thought a joke was in here, didn't you


    A man goes in a rooftop bar and asks the bartender for a shot of liquor. The bartender handed him the liquor and he drank it. He then went to the edge of the roof and jumped off.
    10 minutes later, he comes back up and asks for another shot of liquor. Before he drank it, a man saw what happened before and asked him "How did you not die from that high fall?!?"
    The man replied "Science. When I drink the liquor, and jump off an event occurs. Right before you hit the ground, a chemical in your body reacts with the liquor to make you float right before impact, allowing you to survive"
    The man who asked the question then drinks a shot of liquor, jumps of the building and dies.

    The bartender told the man "You know, you are a real a**hole when you're drunk, Superman."
    AlexChance, pat2011 and adondrabkin like this.
  2. All of my 'wat'.
  3. A horse walks into a bar.
    The bartender asks," Why the long face"
    The horse, unable to comprehend human language, promptly craps on the floor and leaves.
    AlexChance likes this.
  4. Corny yet funny. My favorite kind of jokes.
    AlexChance likes this.