Hi everyone. Today marks 4 years since I joined EMC. Ever since I joined, I will be completely honest, my life has been a downward spiral into absolute madness. I joined when I was 11, stupid, innocent, and not ready for the rollercoaster I was about to board. I didn’t know this rollercoaster would launch me off of a cliff into Marianas trench. These have been the most transformative years, my worst years, and the years i’ve learned from and grown from the most. I’ve met so many great people on here, whether they still log on or whether they’ve been banned or quit outright. And i’ve also met some not so great people. People who’ve tried to throw me under a bus, scam me, hate my opinions, and etc. It’s hard to find a segway from that statement, but from both sides, I’ve learned. I’ve learned to socialize, to choose right from wrong, who I should associate myself with. And most importantly, to be sincere and take responsibility for my actions. So in honor of my 4 year anniversary, I want to clear the air between as many people as I can. Take a chance to examine my actions throughout my 4 year tenure on EMC. This will give me the opportunity to apologize for my actions and clear the air. This is probably a horrible idea, and this will make the air quality equivalent to China’s, but i’m trying to mend broken relationships or get back onto the right foot. So please, if you had beef with me or if there is something you don’t like about me, leave it in the comments and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Now, to take it to the more personal side of things. On April 6th, I uploaded a video on my youtube channel, which I used to use to play video games but now I use for garbage music. This video was revolutionary. Why, exactly? In case you haven’t seen this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LOcVOcRQf68 I finally revealed what I looked like. Sort of. Sure, you saw me, but you didn’t see me. Especially my face. And i’ve debated posting a picture of me on the show yourself thread and/or revealing my name (If i were to do this, I would only reveal the first name). There are two main reasons for this and a few other minor reasons. The first reason why I haven’t shown my face to my internet family, is because of privacy reasons. And I know it’s odd but when you put an alias to a face, I put myself at risk. It’s the internet, illicit stuff goes down all the time I don’t want to fall victim to that. And yes, that is odd, but i’m superstitious. It’s a precautionary measure I take. Not only online but in reality too. My school is kind of notorious for not only a large percentage of kids vaping, but notorious for being nosey. Word where I am spreads faster than a California wildfire. I’m usually known as the quiet kid that really loves metal and whenever I speak it’s like satan flooded my thoughts because of how “disturbing” I am. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t look too good that I play minecraft avidly. It’s bad enough that people say my last name as a joke because it’s SO DAMN CATCHY FOR SOME REASON. The second reason why I haven’t shown my face is something that has been brewing ever since I entered middle school. And I feel it’s something no one can talk me out of and it can get sensitive at times so that is why i’m putting it in a spoiler. Because it can potentially trigger people, because it’s 2019 and I have to be careful with what I say on an EMC rated server. The second reason: I hate myself. I started being self conscious about everything I say and do and wear. It didn’t help that I was fat to begin with. It was weird because it happened so suddenly after I entered middle school. I became sensitive and I didn’t talk much. I grew my hair out and it was a mess, but then I started to care about myself. I cut my hair, I started going to the gym, I ended up getting into metal (thank you, dad), and many rumors were started about me. I ended up getting known as the school shooter or bomber, was depressed, loved a girl i didn’t even talk to that much, and a satanist. When I heard all of these rumors it kind of hit me. Hard. Why of all people, it had to be me to be known as the depressed school shooter. Why was I called a satanist? Was it because of the music I listened to? Was it because of what I said? I ended up in the school psychologist’s office in the middle school because of “suicidal thoughts” in a piece of literature I entered in for a contest. And then I ended up in High School. And everything got better. Because there were people like me. Students in higher classes loved metal and understood me, I got teachers that actually cared, and oddly enough liked the same music I did to the point of where I convinced two teachers to go see Taking Back Sunday at a local record store. I still am self conscious about everything about me though. I still worry i’m being pre-judged because of the constant stream of band shirts and black sweatpants I wear (Yes I wear black sweatpants, I can’t stand tight black jeans, yuck). My freshman year in high school, I met someone that really liked the same music I liked, then she became too self dependent on me and my other friend (who is no longer my friend on a count of her telling me to F off, out loud, in front of spanish class) and when that happened, it hurt. It hurt when I lost the other one but then I realized that I learned who I should not be around. This isn’t a reason why I don’t show my face online, but I wanted to get that out there. I’ve had friendships broken. Back to the thread now. So that’s why I don’t show my face online. I’ll probably cave but as of right now, I’m just not ready. I’m glad that everything is getting better for me. I’m more confident in myself. So confident I was actually able to get up on a stage and do what i’ve never done in front of anyone before. Not even my family. I am no longer known as the person I used to be in middle school. I not only love metal, but now I love indie rock/folk, alternative music, and *some pop. I’ve expanded my musical taste as much as I could. I’ve made close acquaintances and friends, some of which being teachers that love the same music I love and grew up with. I’m a prolific writer, whether it be research essays, poems, or songwriting. I collect records and have been so much happier in recent years. This thread has been going on for a tad too long but suck it up buttercup I have more to go. So what will happen in the future? I see myself quitting the server eventually. With 1.14 rolling out and age slowly killing me, I have to grow out of the game and community eventually. But that is for me to decide. Just letting you all know, one day, I will quit. It is imminent. This is just the mattress that will soften the blow. What else in the future? I’m gonna keep playing video games, and I will keep making music. Now that i’m moved into my new house I have more time to record and make demos. I want this to be a serious project for me, because I want music to be my future. Whether it be screaming on stage or making people cry at a bar. I will continue to post music on my youtube channel and will update you guys when new stuff comes out. I said I had new stuff coming out this month but I got seriously held back because of the move, so I’m gonna make new stuff and make a three song demo EP under a moniker which will be revealed soon. Expect between May-July depending on what happens in my life. I will continue to provide this community the best person I can be. And I guess this is my very belated New Year’s Resolution. But i’m gonna start being happier to people on this community. I’ve been known for a while to be a crass person when it comes to people and the world right now. But i’m going to start being a decent person. I feel like I owe it to all of you. I will continue to have strong opinions on certain topics though, I won’t lose that about me. Because that’s what I am in everyday life, I debate a lot and I have strong opinions on a variety of things like music, politics, religion, human rights, and other topics. This is a reminder, if you have beef with me, comment what it is and i’ll try to squash it and clear the air. That will segway into my first beef squash. Remember my permanent ban I got that one time because marlixes overspawned and I abused it? I now know that I should not abuse glitches and I should report them to Aikar. I am sorry to the EMC staff and community for dealing with me and my BS, whether it be forum/status posts, or shenanigans in-game. Okay, i’m done. Congratulations if you made it this far. It has been a rough 4 years for me, but i’ve learned a lot from my experiences. I guess it’s just part of life, it’s a learning curve. I’ll be around on forums, steam, discord, twitter, whatever and wherever. I love you all.
Thanks for sharing your story! It seems to me that your life story is very relatable to a large sum of readers! I feel the majority of people who start playing Minecraft at a young age and essentially grow-up on the internet have a similar path, including myself. Keep going strong!
Aw man, this is a really good thread, thank you for showing your emotions and being incredibly real to us, I appreciate when someone does that, because not only does it allow me and others to understand you much better, it also opens up a gateway for you to understand us that much better; It's a gateway to stronger relationships, and a gateway to building your own self as a person. I'm really sorry that you had to go through that man, personally, I am very glad I never had these types of experiences. Now, I don't want to be snarky, or boastful that "hey, look at me! My life is good and yours SUCKS!" Those are not my intentions, i'm just stating that a lot of these experiences you have felt may not relate to me, but I know there are millions of other kids in the same situation as you. It doesn't mean I have felt hurt though, I definitely have, but a lot of it wasn't very related to school. I had long almost Beatles like hair in middle school, it was really bad, but I never experienced bullying; maybe it was because of my outgoing nature, or either it was because my school was actually known for being a really great school. Anyway, this again isn't a "My life is good, yours sucks," kind of thing, I just wanted you to know that I sympathize with you, I have seen what others have gone through and that reflects in you. Don't worry man, everything gets better, middle and highschool literally crushes everyone's self esteem, but you'll change, promise me, and you'll eventually love your life even more than you do now. Beef? One of my favourite types of meat, but have we had beef? I wouldn't call it beef, I'd call it "distant opinions" . You know we are both profound metalheads in the EMC community, but our choices of music definitely fall apart. I prefer the spectrum of Classic Heavy Metal, Thrash, Death and their technical minors. You are the core kid to put it at least xD. I notice you like a lot of alternative music, pop, but also some metalcore, deathcore, and prefer a modern metal side, while I keep getting lost in the 70s 80s and 90s (not to say I don't listen to modern metal, I do, but it isn't as much as the other decades). Anyway, we have had a couple of run ins, I know I said some things about core, and you didn't like it, and we got butthurt together, haha, but the beefiest thing was when you said: "Black Sabbath wasn't very influential to metal." I pretty much lost my top, nani? Not influential to metal? They were literally the ones who created the dark/"satanic" imagery of metal, they down tuned, they were raw and heavy, but you say they weren't influential? AAAAGHHHHHH! That made me mad at you for like an hour. There were also times when you called me a metal elitist, and yes, too be fair there was a shorter period where I was on the literal edge of metal elitism, but it was kind of annoying when you called me a metal elitist a lot of the times, just because I said "I don't like that music" a bit more louder than another person would. That snobbish period was a blast wasn't it? Nowadays it isn't very apparent, because I don't speak on it very much, but I will make this true, I may also kind of wince at the fact that my friend calls himself a "metalhead" even though he legit only listens to Metallica, and listens to literally every rapper on the spectrum. There is this girl I have been talking to, and well, she's kinda hot right, but that is besides the point, I've been trying to get her into metal, but I don't know if it's working very well. So far, I have gotten her into Diamond Head, but it's hard to evaluate when all she ever relates to is music besides metal in front of others. Has my work been useless? I feel that way. As my taste has grown I have become a lot more opinionated, and I KNOW for a fact that people have got mad at me for it, but so what? Music is subjective, and I don't directly hate people for what they are doing, the worst I have done is thought "what the heck kind of music is this?" Verge of Metal Elitism 101. Anyway, I don't know what else to share really, I hope you could stay a bit more, but I know it may be time for you to leave, and it may be time for me to leave in the near future (NOT NOW). I'm not going to stay here forever, but I'll definitely give it another year or 2.... or 3.... or maybe 5? Life changes, I'm 15, I have 3 more years until I'm 18, the famed year of adulthood, and a sign where I can't be playing a family friendly minecraft game forever. That's it I guess, I'm glad you have shared this with us, and I'm hopeful that you can share more and that we can give back and establish a positive rElaTiOnShIp! Also, anyway we could do a colab on a song? Thanks man, see ya around.
Holy mini essay this is a lot to unpack. Thank you, i've been wanting to be real with everyone so I figured an anniversary would be a good time. And some people are lucky like this. Which is great, I just so happened to have not had an experience like this. But everyone at least sympathizes with what me, and millions of others are going through, or have gone through. Ah the good ol' days, right? I'm more a ribeye kind of guy tbh. Me saying black sabbath wasn't influential was kind of a joke. And it would make me look like a hypocrite. Because I have their first two albums on vinyl. The "metal elitism" term has been thrown around a lot, hasn't it. Everyone has their periods of thinking "what the hell is this garbage this isn't iron maiden" because I went through that. Then music grew on me and I learned to open up my musical palette. I hate when people say that they are metalheads because they wear a nirvana shirt or metallica shirt. But only because they like the design on the shirt. That's one of your peeves, right? People wearing a bands logo but not listening to a single second of it? That's a peeve of mine too, looking at you the kardashians. And you are 100% correct on music being subjective. I may despise rappers with a passion and wish most of them worked at mcdonalds, while other people think rapers are the greatest human beings alive and are like gandhi because of how fast they're all getting shot dead. Yeah, I won't be leaving for a bit, sometime next year or the year after maybe. I am also 15, so I can relate o that. And yes, we can collab on something in the future. Found a great online drum machine and stuff. Thank you for your words, Otus.
Dang dude I read this and well thought out indeed. I had my ups and downs like that before and that was rough for me.
Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this with us. And happy 4 years, I hope I get to know you better in the years to come
Rap battle me I assume sweatpants means like Joggers, right? I'm around the same age as you and everyone here wears those, its actually sort of the fashion My four years is tomorrow aswell, congratulations!
ok no no no no no, no no no no no no no, no no no no no. Yes *googles "joggers"* kind of. I think I need to pick some pitch black joggers up from old navy or kohls.
Nuuuuuu, you don’t hate yourself... technically you did the right thing, nobody’s was supposed to show their face on the internet! But Emc allows that cause we trust people.... I’ve joined like 9 months ago, and I saw you on every single thread! I myself were black sweat pants (sometimes). Happy 4 yours, here to way to many more!
