Chuck Norris

- Chuck Norris can eat a Rubix Cube and poop it out solved.
- Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer, but Chuck Norris never cries.
- When Chuck Norris does push ups he's actually pushing the world down.
- God said "Let their be light!" Chuck Norris said "Say please."
- When Chuck Norris wants Coffee he'll grind coffee beans with his teeth and boil water with his rage.
- Chuck Norris once took a vacation to the Virgin Islands, now it's just called the Islands.
- Chuck Norris has no chin, only a fist covered in hair.
- There is no such thing as evolution, there is only a list of creatures that Chuck Norris allows to live.
- Chuck Norris goes from March 31st to April 2nd because no one fools Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read, he merely stares at a book until it gives him the information he wants.
- Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

Those are a bunch of the jokes I know. Lol, I would jot down more but I'm feeling lazy now... Hope you like 'em anyway!

I once played mugen on my computer and decided to pit Chuck Norris vs. Chuck Norris vs. Chuck Norris vs. Chuck Norris.. No one lost and mugen never worked on my computer ever again.. xD *True Story by the way*

Ya its CRAZY easy to edit post eith a nook

i know but on my ipod it always messes it up and i couldn't be bothered to go to the computer

OMG!! THAT WAS HILARIOUS! I CANT STOP LAUGHING!

Chuck Norris once made a joke. Ten people died laughing,
The light at the end of the tunnel is actually Chuck holding a flashlight.
Chuck Norris once had a race with light, he had to wait two years before light finally crossed the finish line.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris can win Connect Four with three discs.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.
Chuck Norris once killed 37 terrorists with only 2 bullets. The first bullet was a warning shot.
Chuck Norris once ran over a man with a parked car.
Chuck Norris can melt water by freezing it.
Chuck Norris once joined a game of MW3 and after 10 seconds, he had already threw a grenade that killed the enemy team. Then the grenade blew up.
Once, an entire country did not believe in Chuck Norris. It is now known as the "Moon."
Chuck is currently suing NBC, claiming that "Law and Order" are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it says that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
When the developers of Street Fighter 2 were designing the game, they decided to put in Chuck Norris. But there was a glitch. Every button someone pressed Chuck would always do a roundhouse one-hit KO. When they interviewed Chuck about this he just replied, "That's no glitch."
Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
They say that Chuck Norris is the only one who climbed Mountain Dew.
Chuck Norris's doctor and physician is actually Dr.Pepper because Chuck doesn't need a doctor.

Chuck Norris can harvest Bedrock in survival mode

Chuck Norris plays cards with Herobrine every Wednesday.

Chuck Norris is the 61 person on a server, because the server doesn't want to feel the wrath of the Chuck

Chuck Norris plays on SMP10.

There has been Theory's on the Web that JustinGuy is Chuck Norris, but every time someone looks into it, a body is found with a Boot Print on the victim's Forehead saying EMC, but this is unconfirmed report because FBI or police department haven't found the body's yet.

How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.

when you search chuck norris it says you dont find chuck norris, chuck norris finds you

chuck norris was born before his mother

I can't believe this stuff is still going around. I remember first hearing about it in 2006.

When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.


Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

chuck norris dosnt walk, he drags the earth

01
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
02
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
03
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
04
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
05
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
06
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
07
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.
08
Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
09
They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take sh*t from anybody.
10
A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*ck down.

Chuck Norris once commented, "There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none."

Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

Chuck Norris is a man of few words. Chuck Norris is not a man of few roundhouse kicks to the face.