Well, since I can't go online on Minecraft anyone 'cause my account got hacked and I can't change my password, I haven't really been onto the forums. So, today, I thought I'll just write a book, with every chapter coming within 2 weeks of the last chapter. (Maybe! xD) So, yeah, and here's the 1st chapter: EDIT: Some parts of this book might be gory. But no cusses, unless I see the need to. (By the way, like 99.99999999% of the time, I don't use swears. So, the biggest swear you'll probably see in here is "Darn It!" Anyways, the first chapter: CHAPTER I: July 16, Wednesday Year 2991 Operation Alpha Cairo, Egypt "Get a medic here!" Jason shouted over the chatter of machine guns and lasers. A medic ran over to him, only to get his head blown off by a green, glowing laser. The city was a mess. Alien guts and blue blood lay everywhere. And human bodies either had their heads shot right off their bodies, or their entrails laying everywhere. "I'm still covering Squad 412!," yelled a sniper right behind Jason. "We need air support, now!" And if just by cue, a helicopter came from behind a crumbling building, with guns ablazing. But it wasn't very helpful, as it was blown out of the sky seconds later, its blades slicing marines like a knife chops meat. Jason knew that it was a losing fight. The aliens had all their men camping in this city, and probably three-fourths of the marines are dead, and half of the remaining soldiers slowing dying. At last, a medic came to save the person Jason had been trying to keep alive. "C'mon, don't die on me, Private!" The soldier was coughing up blood. "My.... family...." he muttered. It, was of course, obvious to even saying that took a lot of strength to say. Ultimately, the medic said: "He's going to di-" And that's when the bomb fell. EDIT: I might call the aliens The Darkness, or the Killers, or something! I'll make a 2nd edit here once I think of a good name. In fact, you guys can suggest something! I'll appreciate it!
Just a bit of constructive criticism. I like it generally, but it sounds a little bit stereotypical. Instead of calling them aliens every time try some other name. Try to keep everything different from all the other books we've read. But I do like it.
I like it, but it is perhaps a bit too gory for Empire. Perhaps put it in a spoiler with a warning would be better.
When writing, don't use the word "guts." It sounds childish and unprofessional. Try using intestine(s) instead. Also, you need to put more detail in. When i was reading, Everything happened so fast that the story left me thinking "what the heck just happened?"
Okay, since I'm downloading a game that can easily take up until 10:00pm Eastern US Time, here's the 2nd chapter. NOTE: I'm still calling the aliens aliens, because I haven't thought of what to call them yet. (My 1st idea was The Jumangis, so you see why I'm still calling them aliens.) CHAPTER II: 6 Months Earlier Satellite Base 64, Nevada, US. 1:00am, CST "Man, this job sucks like eating turd on a spoon." It was 1:00am in Nevada, and yet some loyal workers (Or those that want to look the loyal kind to get a promotion) were still working, trying to receive a signal from the Andromenda galaxy. "I KNEW THERE WERE NO ALIENS IN THE ANDROMENDA GALAXY!!! TRY THE ALPHA CENTURI GALAXY!" Dr. Besty Green yelled. She was fat and obese, and not even someone with his face covered in pus and scabs would say that she's better looking than him. "But, Missus, it'll take us days, maybe even weeks, to point our satellite towards that galaxy!" someone yelled. The room was engulfed in silence. Everyone turned to look at the scientist that spoke back at Dr. Besty Green. "JASON OMEGA! STAND UP!" she yelled. A short, and slightly skinny scientist stood up. Everyone started to whisper to each other. "Who dares mess with her? Last time someone did that, she pulled out a pistol and shot him right in the leg!" a scientist whispered. "STOP THW WHISPERING NOW, WHILST I PULL OUT A MACHETE AND CHOP YOUR ARM RIGHT OFF!" Besty screamed. The room yet again was engulfed in silence. "JASON, I WANT YOU TO PROGRAM THE SATELLITE TO THE ALPHA CENTURI GALAXY YOURSELF!" And then she turned towards the other scientists. "AND IF YOU GUYS TRY TO HELP HIM, YOU'RE FIRED!" Everyone nodded, trembling at her presence. "Okay, missus!" Jason enthusiacisally said. He plunked his butt down on his chair and started to work. "Okay.... Point it at 90.999 degrees exactly.... Oh hey look, a new trick....." And after 15 minutes of hard work, he was finished. "Done, missus!" Besty stormed over. And her strict, hardened face turned into a expression of shock. She lookedat Jason and down on the computer. And then Jason. And then the computer. "How... did you do this??" she gasped. And the fat and stocky figure that was Dr. Besty Read collasped on the ground, stone cold.
