Proper Golem Treatment with Hashhog3000

Discussion in 'General Minecraft Discussion' started by Hashhog, Oct 23, 2013.

  1. Iron golems are often mistreated. How do you treat a golem? Allow me. Remember, golems are iron, not gold, so we don't follow the "golden rule" philosophy here.

    1. Arrive at village and meet the golem.
    2. Build a tall fence pole "in honor of the golem."
    3. Hang the golem by the fence pole using a leash after naming it "Grumm."
    4. Proceed to do what you must with the village, taunting the golem regularly and using it for target practice.
    5. When you are done with the village, take all the villagers to a far-off trading post where they will be your eternal trading-slaves, making sure to kill one or two in front of the golem.
    6. Politely walk up to the golem, release it, name it "King Golem," and tell it goodbye.
    7. Release at least three Withers into the village to feed on the golem and run like heck.
    8. Days later, come visit the golem's deathplace. Kill any Withers remaining. Place some flowers on the golem's grave.
    9. Point and laugh at the golem's fate.
    10. Loot the village, burn it down, and never return.

    This is the proper and correct way to treat a natural iron golem. Remember, don't kill them while using them for target practice, and always stay out of range of their arms. Thank you.

    -hashhog3000, protector of iron golems
    WeirdManaico and Olaf_C like this.
  2. Tips on how to fix a broken computer screen:
    1. Turn it on and off
    2. throw it out a window
    3. Do what hash said
  3. Uhhhh..... today is opposite day right? jk.
  4. You don't use glue?

    Oh, and while on the topic of golems, though iron golems make excellent food for your Wither (they have lots of hearts, so they are full of healthy proteins!) they are a little hard to swallow/overcome due to their strength. So, I suggest you supplement your Wither's diet with a large amount of snow golems as well (maybe ten-twenty per day?) as they cause no damage whatsoever. Pigs, cows, and chickens are also tasty treats, but they should be saved as rewards for when the Wither is good. Players shouldn't be included in a regular diet, as they can damage your Wither due to tough fibers. And swords. And yes, I have sacrificed hundreds of snow golems at one time for a Wither. It was hilarious.
    Olaf_C likes this.
  5. Olaf_C's Guide on how to kill the ender dragon
    1. Feed it iron golems
    2. give it lots of gifts
    3. go hug a enderman
    4. eat pumpkin pie
    5. log off and eat bacon
    6. log on and destroy the enderdragon
    7. ask if you can ride it
    8. stab him in the back while riding him
    Don't forget to rub your mouse in butter afterwards.