Ok so heres the little story I've been working on lately.https://docs.google.com/document/d/1NxLmISRGs1gk41kae-AeV57E5kMpC6h-0LAP1_KprIQ/edit?pli=1 Looking for feed back positive and negative.
Few things but they are mostly grammatical After Lone Force learns of this they question, "How are we going to save the world from its own doom and take down Brazil?" The man replies to Lone Force “You’re not Danny is.”. Lone force sets up a perimeter and lay out their supplies they currently have 3 shotguns, 5 rifles and a AK-47 with enough rounds for each gun to fight a small army. For food they have some chicken,carrots and beans. They decide to sleep but wake up to 40 men with biochemical suits and sub-machineguns. I will post more tomorrow!
More tweaks with the more content! Also so stuff I missed late at night Danny is the only one to wake, careful not to wake the others for fear of scaring them. He asks the(not then) people [or at least what he thinks are people(?)] what they are doing here and all he hears is the muffled breathing of them. Finally one responds and says in a non-human voice “Wake the others and follow us leave your things here”. The group goes into this building and inside find it full of people with identical suits. The things lead them down a staircase and that's when they see huge rooms. They are full of alien like equipment and what looks like more creatures numbering in the thousands. The creatures lead them to a white room and lock them in. After much waiting Lone Force starts to wonder what is going on, and as Danny puts it “What the hell is this?”. When he says that it alarms the things in the suits, and 1 of the things enters the room, removes the helmet on his suit and says “You’re here to save the world.” Now this shocks Lone Force, but after much explaining the man tells them that after North Korea and America were demolished by each other the whole world went into a Nuclear war. The war lasted many months before there was one clear leader Brazil; Who had a gigantic secret arsenal of weapons. More later today!
Here they are After the shock of learning this Lone Force has so many questions, but after much shock the group is calmed. The men explains that Danny is to meet with some of the strongest and biggest bunker leaders, Tommy Rip from from northern Mexico, Joe Stock from North eastern America, Catherine Williams from Mid Canada and Terr )) Stosky from Belgium. So(Delete So) Danny asks “How am I supposed to get to these places?” and the man replies “Not my problem.”. Slight plot flaw here, doesn't the man WANT Danny to meet with these people? (Delete So) After much pondering and shock over this news, the group is lead out of the white room and told that they will be staying at the Bomb shelter know as Last Light Outpost. They are also told Danny will be staying at the Bomb shelter for the time being so he can receive training in weapons and survival skills. When the training is complete he will begin his World saving adventure. (Stop with all the So! Delete So) Lone force is showed to their rooms, (delete and) after a exhausting day get to some rest and nice (Delete ,) warm food. In the morning they are woken by one of the men in a suits. After breakfast they are told their schedule, which is mostly farming and some light weapons training. (Delete and) For Danny it includes going to the armory (Delete and weapon) to learn how to use a gun, (Delete also he learns) about knots and traps, (Delete Also) how to get food for himself and how to start a fire. (Delete and) He will keep doing this everyday until the leaders think he is ready to leave, and that day comes faster than expected. It turns out that Danny has a natural talent for fighting and surviving. (Delete and) Danny is told that tomorrow he will be given supplies and will be set out with one of the men in suits. Lone Force is woken in the morning and told there will be a special meeting involving all the citizens of the Bomb shelter. (Delete so) Later that day all the citizens gather in a cathedral-like (Delete type) room and are lead onto a stage, after some light chat the Leader Rick Tirper queits everyone and tells them “Today we begin fixing our world and the boy that is going to change it is Danny Dover. This young boy has received training in weapons and survival. (Delete and) He is going to assemble an army to take down Brazil (Delete and bring) to restore world peace.”. After the Leader's speech Danny says his goodbyes, and is given a survival pack. (Delete that) The pack contains food packets that you add water to make it, (Delete also) a water purifying kit and ammo for his Desert Eagle.(Um Desert Eagle? You sure you don't want a kind of semi-automatic gun? DE are ridiculous. They are incredibly hard to use and quite frankly not very smart to have. I mean .50 cal bullets? I suggest giving him a semi-automatic Galil) (Delete and) He is also told that one of the men from the bomb shelter will be going with him, whose name is Justin, he (Delete and) is 14 only a year older than Danny. Justin (Delete and) has also received extensive training in weapons and survival skills. (Delete and) He will help Danny with getting support (Delete help) from the other important bunker leaders and (Delete from) form a army to take down Brazil And I'm caught up! Phew that was long hope I am helping!
