The Alternate WW2 Universe Part 1

Discussion in 'Writers' Corner' started by Empoleons, Dec 1, 2016.

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Do you want more of this?

Yes 3 vote(s) 42.9%
No 2 vote(s) 28.6%
Or PM if these do not work for you 2 vote(s) 28.6%
  1. Welcome to the story of a alternate WW2 story line where I take you on a adventure when WW2 never did end.

    The year is 1945, the time when WW2 was suppose to end but Germany had a trump card, the first jet bomber. With this they could do lighting fast strikes that the world had never seen before! It could reach at about MACH 1 and could carry more than any bomber could carry. It dropped a devastating 65,000 LB bomb that could wipe a town or city right off the map. The Allies, knowing that they would be unstoppable, started making anti-counter weapons and finally they did, they called it "GBU-43 MOAB". It shot out armour piercing tank rounds at a new whopping 6,000 FPS (Feet per Second). But the downside was that it need to be fired out of giant anti air guns specially designed for it and the placement could not be moved. It took around one month to build only one but could fire 30 RPM (Rounds per Minute) and had the range of 650 miles around, enough to cover strategic key points. The Allies knew that if the Germans found out they would be in deep trouble and had to build them before their strategic points were taken over.
    Over at Hitler's HQ, he started to launch bomb attacks against the Allied Forces. First, he attacked Great Britain. The RAF (Royal Air Force), had new planes, the Spitfire Douglas M-27 and Morane-Saulnier S-34. The Spitfire Douglas M-27 was a variant of the original Spitfire and mixed with the Douglas SBD Dauntless improved maneuverability, acceleration, and top speed of 375 MPH. The Morane-Saulnier S-34 is a improved version of the Morane-Saulnier M.S. 406 which has improved acceleration, engine, guns, and much more. The downside of it was that it could only have 4 out of the 8 guns it could carry due to design flaws but the guns that were mounted on it were M34 cannons, which had 2 barrels spinning at high velocity which made it more accurate and could fire 400 RPM.
    The battle of Britain was happening all over again and it was called “Battle Of Galtic Fields” where over 20,000 soldier (including pilots) fought to defend Britain. About 312 planes were lost and about 3,000 casualties and over at the German’s side their whole jet battalion (About 200 bombers) and fighter squads (About 700) were all lost and was a defeat for the Germans but a victory for the British.
    Be back for 1946 to see what happens next when new armor, guns, and vehicles start to get more deadlier and deadlier.
    If anything is wrong please do tell me.
    Thanks for reading and see you in the next one!
    BlueBirbPlayz and AncientTower like this.
  2. I like the story. Wish it was longer though.
    Empoleons likes this.
  3. Don't worry Im cooking up another one :3
    Almost there too
    AncientTower likes this.
  4. Pritty good :)
    I'd only suggest not saying things like "RAF (royal air force)" but just saing "the royal air force" and using the numbers written out, but, that's just my way of writing I guess :p
    Empoleons likes this.
  5. The grammar was pretty good, though I had a problem with the story. Now the problem I did have is that, it wasn't really a story. What you did do was throw a bunch of facts at my face and said this happened. That is not a story. I'm not sure if you meant to do that, maybe you did, but I believe that this is not a narrative story.
    ShelLuser and Empoleons like this.
  6. Sorry about that this storyish was made within 8 hours within a day so yeah I guess the other story I will be posting soon will be techongly in depth which IDK if you guys will like it or not. But thank you for your opinion cuz here's a peek 1948 is all about battles so hold on tight man.
    BlueBirbPlayz likes this.
  7. While some other people didn't really like it as it wasn't a story but more fact, I actually like thing like that. +1
    Empoleons likes this.
  8. Thanks :3 Hope you come in for 1947 and 1948 :3
  9. I think in 1945 Hitler's biggest concern would have been the huge juggernaut barreling down on Germany from the east. The Russians were in Warsaw in January 1945. The Russians at that time outnumbered the Germans on average by five~six to one in troops, six to one in artillery, six to one in tanks and four to one in self-propelled artillery. The war was over May 9, 1945.
    Empoleons likes this.
  10. True but I forgot about that part. Lets sweep it under the carpet shall we?
    God_Of_Gods likes this.
  11. Bump. Continue this bb.

    Some critical notes: personally, I liked the way it's done like a 'Wikipedia article' (if that's the correct term? lmao). Like Paradox games's AARs where the log of the game is written as if it actually happened. Now for issues I have -the grammar is quite... meh. Your punctuation needs some work, you need to use your where/were correctly, and use a much more colourful array of connectives. It would also be nice if you could indent the paragraphs so it doesn't look like a big wall of text.
    Empoleons likes this.
  12. Well I did this within 5-8 hours and I just straight up copy and pasted from my Google Docs or the website I posted it on but don't worry, the other story will be indented and have better Grammar.