I have written a novel recently and I am going to share with you a piece of the first chapter of my sequel. I hope you enjoy it. Just a disclaimer: what you are about to read is not a true story. It is just one that came from my head, but told in first person. I was just a young girl when the storm that took my family came. To be honest, it has been so long that I don't remember them too well. But I do remember something important about them: they have always told me that no matter what happens, they will be there for me. And while decades have passed since then, I still can't help but believe what they say. But, as much as I miss my home, I enjoy the company of my new companion Cory much more. I can tell that he has something that he wants to do and I will help him get whst he wants to achieve in this journey that we have started together. Perhaps, through our travels, I'll discover what I was meant to do in my life and where the road ahead will take me.
If you have anything you wish to say about it, feel free to. I'm open to anything, even criticism and insults.
I feel like you're giving away a bit much right off the bat. But of course I don't know all of what there is to know! (I do wonder how the girl met Cory, which is nice!) But make sure there's enough not told to make people wonder.
You see, I'm changing the point of view of my sequel. In my first book, it was told through Cory, meaning you wouldn't know everything about Kate (the girl whom what you just read is about). I'm experimenting with my sequel to see how it how it turns out. I'm not a professional writer, I just like trying new things.
Well, then especially, as someone who has read the other book will know some things about Cory already, you should experiment with leaving some information to reveal later. So much important details are revealed in such a small part, that the individual pieces of information don't have nearly as much of an impact as they deserve.
OOoooOOOooo! I'm a writer too! Here's what I would do to this. Btw, I love this, read the bottom--- This isn't all criticism. I was just a young girl when the storm that took my family came. To be honest, it has been so long that I don't remember them too well. But I do remember something important about them: (I think a semicolon ( should go here) they have always told me that no matter what happens, they will (Up above you put "it has" instead of "it's", and now you have "they will" instead of "they'll". Not a problem if the character speaks that way, but just be open to the fact that you can do that) be there for me. And while decades have passed since then, I still can't help but believe what they say (Maybe put "said" as it was in the past so past tense might feel more appropriate unless they are still saying it). But, as much as I miss my home, I enjoy the company of my new companion Cory much more. I can tell that he has something that(sounds wordy with this word in my opinion ) he wants to do and I will help him get whst (typo) he wants to achieve in this journey that we have started together. Perhaps, through our travels, I'll discover what I was(this could be "am", but "was" works, just make sure you stay consistent in the tense you are using You go from future to past in this case... Does that make any sense? xD Maybe I'm wrong, I'm not an author nor an editor) meant to do in my life and where the road ahead will take me. Also - This feel unspecific, and it's not as intriguing in that sense. HOWEVER - I love this plot. It establishes a main character, and reading about her discovering herself sounds pretty cool. It's pretty much said, there's a great adventure going on. And I would totally read this! I do feel it could be more intriguing with a bit more specificity, however, it still works as it is and I think it really has a family feeling, and I'm looking forward to seeing more. Keep writing --- This sounds like a fun plot! KEEP WRITING, and have fun with it, this is something that can truly developed into something cool, and the amount of information withheld is mysterious... And it will make someone WANT to read it! Very nice! *The above edits aren't necessary, it still works without them, that's just what I would do, but you do you... It's your book, and if I inflict my style then the book might look weird at this part when compared to the others. Your writing is fine, and I LOVE IT! I'd love to see where this goes. **I'm kind of showing off, sorry.
I'm not an expert on English punctuation, but I think a colon fits fine, or even better. This because the following sentence is actually what she remembers. In this case, a semicolon would be appropriate: But the case in the original story seems more along the lines of the following: Yes, it does make sense. This is correct, actually. I'll is future tense because she is talking about the future. I was is past tense because she is wondering about what she was meant to do in life when she was made (I assume). This event, her conception, lies in the past.
Actually - Thinking about that - You're right in all of those. When they say, "Perhaps, through our travels", future tense should go after... Also, I noticed that you were awarded MOTM (partially) because you helped with grammar and stuff. I want you to know I enjoy that as well. Very good.
Aah, that's cool! :D Yeah, that was really nice. When I read Krysyy's post to my friends, they laughed at that sentence. It's kind of cool how I learnt a big chunk of my English at EMC, and have now grown to such a level that I can actually correct others.
Yeah --- My writing skills are okay, but my true strength is typos. While I do still make typos, I have an ability to notice them... The other day I was reading my school newspaper and I went on a rant about this typo: Sports: Entertainment: Opinion: News/Feature: Art: And I'm like, "THE COLON AFTER OPINION ISN'T BOLDED THE NEWSPAPER IS RUINED!!!"
Hahaha, woah, that's impressive! Recently, I corrected a typo in an application form for the University of Groningen, and one in a webpage from Coca-Cola.
I have never seen people talk as much about English corrections as much as you two. It's quite impressive, to be honest. I like the support I'm getting now and don't worry, more of my writing is on the way. I'm thinking about putting my original story up in this thread so you can understand the context behind what you have already read. I'll be doing it a section per message because the thing is kind of long.
