As you can probably tell by now, I still have no intention of returning. I moved on in life soon after I left in July. I'm just here to clear up a few things I never (honestly) answered, apologize for what I did, and most importantly, explain why I misbehaved for the seven months or so leading up to my departure. This is something I was asked to do by quite a few people, at least until I lost control of myself. However, I never did because I neither wanted to nor thought I deserved the position. I was content with my position leading the MPO until I found myself unable to recruit active members to keep it thriving. Also, I've known for years that it's in my nature to be power-hungry sometimes, but I never wanted to become corrupt or hurt innocent people. I'm tempted to say no, and I would be nearly correct if I did. However, the truth is, there are still a few small things. First of all, I always wanted to feel like I was being heard, particularly to share my artwork, talk about weather/climate, and have input. Secondly, I've rarely succeeded (and since November, not at all) in inviting any friends, and while I craved companionship in person (especially a romantic relationship, which I've never had, but also active friendship), interacting without meeting in person was, in my mind, still better than being completely isolated. I must say, I never wanted to hurt anyone. If anything, I was trying to fight in the opposite direction. However, my intense emotions and lack of awareness caused me to lose control of myself, and once I realized what I'd done, I was horrified and guilt-ridden at the damage I caused to both myself and others. I'll also admit that a similar situation arose with my RL friends not long after I left. While it finally ended worthless friendships I long wanted a way out of, it still caused even more damage and cost me many decent, valuable friendships too. Again, I was overall horrified and guilt-ridden once I realized what happened. The emotions that boiled inside me were hatred of those who weren't fair enough, fondness of those with similar views to mine, and uncontrollable desires to, for once, achieve freedom, have genuine friends that would make time for me, and have a romantic attraction reciprocated (the latter two of which I still seek without near success). I mentioned earlier that power is a huge weakness of mine, but if I have any bigger weaknesses, they're pain, love, and hatred. I truly am very sorry for what I did. I was horrified and guilt-ridden, and I still feel severe remorse any time I think about it. I was a self-centered, ungrateful, worthless, emotional, sensitive, foolish, cowardly, and unstable teen boy. No wonder so many people hated me here and left me IRL. If you forgot, took a break, or joined after I left, feel free to check out https://empireminecraft.com/threads/farewell-this-time-is-for-real.78919/
